


Stay Awhile

by javajunkie



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Slow Romance, roommates au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/javajunkie/pseuds/javajunkie
Summary: When Lara Jean and Chris need extra money, they sublet their spare bedroom to Peter Kavinsky.  LJ/Peter AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [this must be my dream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15770973) by [bleuboxes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleuboxes/pseuds/bleuboxes). 



> I love writing and reading roommate AUs. The opportunity to do a multi-chapter one for this fandom was just TOO good to pass up. I hope you enjoy! This is my first TATBIL fanfic, so please excuse any minor character deviations. I'm trying to keep them in character!
> 
> Also, I was super inspired by this one-shot by bleuboxes: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15770973.

            It all started with a little something called an “HOA”.  Upon buying her first apartment with her friend, Chris, Lara Jean Song-Covey learned that there was a litany of hidden costs associated with home ownership.  Some she expected.  Repair costs for wear and tear.   Payments on the mortgage.  What Lara Jean did not anticipate was the onerous homeowner’s association fees that totaled nearly $1,000 each month.  Or as Chris affectionately called it, “rich people bullshit”.

            It was partially their fault.  They bought an apartment in a nicer area of Virginia, Lara Jean’s dad helping out with some of the cost because he wanted his daughter to live somewhere safe.  It also made sense for Lara Jean to be near the University of Virginia campus, as she was finishing up her last year of law school there.  Chris was a fairly successful web designer, so all she needed for her job was a computer and internet connection.  

Initially, they did pretty well financially.  Lara Jean had a lucrative summer internship and with prudent savings she developed a decent rainy-day fund.  As for Chris, she was hired onto a large account and nearly doubled her earnings each month.  Eventually, though, their bank accounts wore thin, and while not in dire straits, both women recognized that another source of income would be beneficial.

Which is precisely how they ended up renting out their spare bedroom.  They went the way of Craigslist first, but quickly found that it was mostly creepy middle-aged men.  The few women gave off a distinct single-white-female vibe, so they politely demurred. 

Lara Jean was in her bedroom studying for the next day’s classes when Chris approached her with a surprising candidate.

“So, my cousin’s boyfriend is looking for a new place. You remember Peter Kavinsky, right?”

Lara Jean nodded.  “Yeah.  Wow, Peter Kavinsky.  I haven’t thought of that name in years.”

Lara Jean knew Peter Kavinsky for about as long as she could remember.  They grew up in the same neighborhood and were part of a tight-knit neighborhood crew until they hit high school and he discovered lacrosse and popularity.  Lara Jean lost track of him when she went to college.  He went to University of Virginia while she crossed state lines and attended University of North Carolina.  She briefly saw him when she visited University of Virginia to tour their law school.  He was playing football on the quad, all tanned limbs and easy demeanor.  Chris’ cousin, Gen, had been there, too.

“He’s still dating Gen?”  Lara Jean asked.

“Well, it’s not the original iteration of their coupling. I think they’re on round three or four? They have a real Hepburn and Tracey thing going on.”

“So, nice and dysfunctional?”  Lara Jean quipped with a tilt of her head.

“Ding ding,” Chris trilled.  “His apartment building had a huge asbestos problem.  Which, yes, I also did not realize was still a thing in 2018. But, apparently it is.”  Lara Jean shrugged.  “Anyway, he’s in the market for a new apartment.”

“Why doesn’t he move in with Gen?”

“Apparently, he thinks it’s too soon for that,” Chris said. “Which, if you ask me, is a big red flag.  Gen wants him to move in here so that she can still keep a tab on him.”

“That sounds healthy.”

“She’s a piece of work,” Chris said off-handedly.  “He’s apparently ready to move in as soon as we give the OK.”

“Well, it’s fine with me.  The real question is, are you going to want to see your cousin this much?”

“That depends.  Do you think the HOA will pay for my therapy?”

Lara Jean wrinkled her nose.  “Probably not.”

Chris sighed and said, “I’ll survive.  Besides, we could really use the money.”

 

* * *

 

 

            At the end of the week, Peter Kavinsky moved into the apartment.  Lara Jean was at the law school when the actual moving took place, but she received almost too frequent text updates from Chris, who was working from home. 

 

_He brought a juicer.  Who the hell needs a juicer?_

            Lara Jean grinned and quickly typed back a response.

 

_I’ve always wanted to make my own orange juice!_

            A few minutes later, her phone buzzed on her lap.

 

_There’s a fancy blender, too.  We DO NOT have the counter space for this._

 

            From Chris’ texts, Lara Jean expected the apartment to be overrun by Peter’s things, but when she walked in later that day it looked virtually unchanged except for a new stainless steel juicer next to the toaster.  Chris must have talked him out of the blender. 

            Lara Jean put her bag down on the couch and walked over to the kitchen, already thinking about her afternoon snack, when she heard the bathroom door open.  She looked back, expecting it to be Chris, but instead found Peter Kavinsky in nothing but a towel.

            “Hi,” she stammered, feeling like she should turn around, but also feeling like that would be sort of rude.  He at least looked mildly embarrassed, and held one hand firmly on the top of the towel as he said, “Hey there, Lara Jean.”

            Chris wandered out of her room and casually said, “Peter’s all moved in, LJ.”

            “Yeah, I can see that.”

            “I just came back from the gym,” Peter said by way of explanation.  “So, anyway, I’m going to…”

            “Yes, go,” Lara Jean said quickly.  “I’ll, um, just be out here.” 

            She turned quickly to the refrigerator, hoping the cool air would calm the reddening of her cheeks.  She grabbed a yogurt from the back and then closed the refrigerator, picking up a spoon from the drying rack as she made her way to living room.  Chris disappeared back into her room, leaving Lara Jean alone with her yogurt.  A few minutes later Peter walked out of his room, now fully clothed.  His hair was wet and stuck out at odd angles, like he just quickly rubbed it with a towel.

            He sat opposite her on the couch and said, “So, Lara Jean, it’s been a while.”

            She nodded, swallowing a spoonful of yogurt, and said, “Yeah, it has.”

            “I’m trying to remember the last time we saw each other.”

            “Probably high school,” she said, figuring that she wouldn’t share her little sight of him at UVA.  For some reason, it felt a bit stalker-ish.  Partially because part of her _had_ been looking for him when she went there.  She couldn’t help but think of him when she walked on the campus.

            “No, after that,” he said, his tone going up at the end, like he surprised himself with his own memory.  “This is going to sound weird, but I saw you at UVA.”

            She looked at him with surprise.  “You did?”

            He nodded.  “Yeah, it was my senior year.  I was out on the quad and I saw you on some tour.  I’m guessing it was for law school or something.”

            All she could manage was, “Oh.”

            “I remember you were wearing this sort of navy suit dress and you had your hair in a high ponytail.”

            He was right.  When she went on the tour she wore one of her favorite business-casual dresses, because there was the possibility that the tour group was meeting with faculty after the tour.  She was surprised that he would remember all of that. 

            “Anyway,” he said, pulling her from her thoughts.  “You’re finishing up your last year?”

            She nodded.  “Only four months left.  Which is sort of crazy.  I still remember when it all started, and now I’m almost done.”

            “I can see you as a lawyer,” he said.  “You were always sort of bossy.”

            Lara Jean laughed.  “That seems like a loaded compliment.”

            It was his turn to laugh then, and he said, “I swear I only meant it in a good way.”

            “Well, thank you.  I like it.  Of course, it’s all contingent on me passing the bar in July.  But, I try not to think about that too much, otherwise I start panicking.”

             Lara Jean could already feel her chest tightening at the mention, and she covered the slight moment of panic with another spoonful of yogurt.  Peter watched her quietly, and she casually asked, “So, you and Gen are still together?”

            He shrugged.  “Yeah.”

            “That’s nice,” she said, and she meant it.  She didn't particularly liked Gen, but she liked the idea of growing older with someone.  Part of her was always a bit disappointed that she wouldn’t have that. Whoever she ended up with wouldn’t know who she was at twelve or sixteen.  They would only know the current her, and there was something sad about that.

            “We have a lot of history,” Peter said, and Lara Jean thought that it didn’t sound like a particularly good thing from his mouth. He seemed to mull over his words for a moment, and then said, “But, we’re in a good place now.  She’ll be happy to see you.”

            Lara Jean doubted that, but chose not to correct him.  Gen had also been a part of their neighborhood crew, but their parting had been decidedly more deliberate than hers and Peter’s.  Lara Jean still did not quite know what happened.  Her and Gen had been best friends, and then out of nowhere Gen turned on her.  She still remembered the moment in the school cafeteria.  Gen firmly – and loudly – refusing to let Lara Jean sit with her at lunch.  From that day on Gen was flanked by her new friends from cheerleading camp, and Lara Jean was out.

            “Anyway, I should get started on my reading for tomorrow,” Lara Jean said.  “If you’re here for dinner, Tuesday is pizza night.”

            “I was actually going to get dinner with Gen.”

            "Sure.  Well, if you’re hungry after you’re welcome to the left overs. We always order enough for twelve people.”

            Peter grinned.  “Thanks.  Happy studying.”

            She grabbed her bag and walked over to her bedroom. She went to close her door, but not before stealing one last glance into the living room.  Peter was still on the couch, looking down at his phone.  He felt her gaze and looked up, just as she quickly closed her door. 

           


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys blew me away with all of your reviews!! As a thank you, here is a quick - albeit short - second chapter! Future chapters will be much longer, but I couldn't wait to post this :)
> 
> For those of you asking in reviews - I do plan to include the other Song-Covey sisters. Dr. Covey will ALSO be appearing at some point, because I love his character. 
> 
> Happy reading!

It was an adjustment having Peter in the apartment.  On a base level, there was an additional human body to contend with. For all the luxuries of the apartment, it only had one bathroom, and what had been manageable for two people, became a bit more problematic when it became three.  For the past week, every time Lara Jean tried to take a shower, Peter beat her there, having recently returned from his morning run.  Which, coincidentally, woke Lara Jean up half an hour earlier when he made his post-run protein shake.  So, not only was she running late for classes, but she was doing it with less sleep.

            There were Peter-specific-problems too, though. Chris didn’t like how Gen kept a collection of toiletries in the bathroom.  It didn’t particularly bother Lara Jean, but she did miss the cabinet space. She also was fairly certain that Gen was sneakily using her moisturizer.  Chris also took issue with Peter’s choice of television.  Loudly remarking that if she had to watch one more episode of _Chopped_ , she was going murder someone.  (Lara Jean actually liked _Chopped_ , but chose not to challenge her roommate on this particular front.)

            Chris handled her frustration with characteristic passive aggression.  Peter, never particularly adept at the intricacies of women, did not pick up on it. So, then Chris’ passive aggression became less passive and more aggressive.  Ultimately, Lara Jean saw no other remedy than to call a roommate meeting. 

            “I don’t see why we need a roommate meeting,” Chris glowered.  “Don’t you think this is a bit of an overreaction?”

            “No, I think the expletive filled notes you left Gen in her makeup bag were,” Lara Jean returned reasonably.  “Look, I think this will be good.  There were bound to be some growing pains with another person here. This will be a good opportunity to iron out the details so that we live together more harmoniously going forward.”

            Chris shook her head and said, “You sound more and more like a lawyer every day.  It’s frightening.”

            “I didn’t even get to the roommate agreement yet.”

            “The what?”

            Peter came in through the front door and said, “Sorry I’m late.  There was a ton of traffic on Locus.”

            “No problem,” Lara Jean said placidly. “Please, take a seat.”

            Peter looked at her oddly and then sat down on the couch, keeping a sizeable distance between him and Chris.  Lara Jean couldn’t really blame him, given Chris’ recent behavior. 

            “Okay, so I brought us here today so that we can lay down a few ground rules for this living arrangement.”  Lara Jean picked up the folder next to her and pulled out a piece of paper with Roommate Agreement typed on the top and signature blocks on the bottom.  “What I have here is a Roommate Agreement.  I thought we could stipulate to some basic ground rules here.  Then, if we have problems, we can simply refer to the Agreement.”

            In the face of Lara Jean’s contract, Peter and Chris became bonded in their utter disbelief. 

            “You literally mocked up a contract,” Peter said. “You even typed out signature blocks.”

            “I like things to be neat and orderly,” Lara Jean said, somewhat defensively.  “And besides, it’s good practice.  I think. Anyway, I thought we could brainstorm some ideas.”  Tentatively, Lara Jean said, “Chris, you had some things you wanted to discuss, right?”

            “We have to cut you off the Food Network,” Chris told Peter.  “I can’t take any more cooking shows.  I hear Guy Fieri in my sleep.  Do you know how disturbing that is?”

            “I guess I can cut back.”

            “I mean no Food Network,” Chris said. “Because I think you’re addicted. You are a Food Network addict, Peter Kavinsky.  You have to go cold turkey.”

            “Are you kidding?”  Peter said.  “Come on, you can’t tell me that I can’t watch an entire network.”

            “Um, who are you renting from again?”  Chris asked pointedly.

            “Yeah, I _pay_ rent.  Which I’m sure partially goes toward the cable.”

            “We can’t ban entire networks,” Lara Jean intoned, shooting Chris a look.  “How about a time limit.  Like, Food Network is allowed between the hours of seven and nine?”

            “No way.  That’s when _Cutthroat Kitchen_ is on. Which I think everyone would agree is the weakest Food Network show.”  Peter appealed to his audience, who was largely unsympathetic.  “Come on, guys.”

            Lara Jean looked to Chris, who really had more of a dog in this particular fight. 

            “I can agree to one _Chopped_ a night,” Chris relented.  “Two if it has the really mean judge.”

            “Peter?”  Lara Jean asked expectantly.  He shrugged and she grinned wide.  “Perfect, we have our first term.  Do we have the name of that judge?  I feel like this should be a bit more specific.”

            “Your fake contract needs to be more specific?” Chris asked.

            Lara Jean frowned and then wrote out:

 

_Only one episode of Chopped per night unless it has the really mean judge._

 

 “Alright, moving on.”

            “Do I get anything in the contract?”  Peter asked.

            “Yes, you live here, too,” Lara Jean said reasonably. “What do you have?”

            “Chris needs to be nicer to Gen.”

            “I am very nice considering I have to be related to her,” Chris returned in a level voice.  “It’s a daily struggle.”

            “She’s not as bad as you make her sound,” Peter said. “And you’re making her uncomfortable here.  I think my girlfriend should be comfortable at my apartment.”

            Before Chris could remind Peter that it was not actually his apartment, Lara Jean gingerly said, “I think part of Chris’ problem is the frequency with which she’s here.”

            “She’s not here that often.”

            “She was here four out of seven days last week,” Lara Jean pointed out cautiously. 

            “What?  That can’t be right.  She –“ he paused to count, and then said, “Okay, so yeah, it is four.”

            “Maybe we can agree to three nights a week?”

            Peter relented and while Chris argued for even less, they eventually settled on three and applied it to the entire apartment.

 

_Tenants will only have overnight guests a maximum of three (3) nights per week._

            They worked on the rest of the agreement, eventually agreeing to the following additional terms.

 

_Guests are only allowed one gallon sized bag of toiletries._

_Chris will not force Peter to listen to any EDM music._

_Lara Jean will only DVR three Hallmark Movie Channel movies at a time._

_Peter will shower between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m._

_Lara Jean will shower between 6:00 a.m. and 6:30 a.m._

_Peter will not make protein shakes before 6:30 a.m._

            When they were finished, they each signed at their appropriate signature block, and Lara Jean placed the signed Roommate Agreement back in its folder.  After Lara Jean disappeared into her room to put it in a safe place, Chris said, “Dammit, we should have put in there that we never have to do another Roommate Agreement.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, your reviews are giving me LIFE!!! I hope you enjoy this!

             When Lara Jean started law school, she heard an older student say, “Your first year they scare you to death, the second year they work you to death and your third year they bore you to death.”  The latter was based on the fact that a fair percentage of the 3L (aka third year) class already had jobs from their summer internships, and the last year was viewed as a largely unnecessary victory lap.  It should have been that way for Lara Jean. Her summer firm offered her a position which she graciously accepted.  She had more than enough credits to graduate and a respectable GPA.  Still, she took sixteen credit hours, including three classes with time-consuming research papers.

            Which was precisely why Lara Jean was at the law library on a Friday night, using all of her willpower to not smack her head against the large wooden table.  Her paper refused to write itself.  She didn’t know what was happening, because she prepared as she always did.  She completed her research.  She drafted an outline.  The writing should have come easily, but she could barely put a word on paper.  Quietly, a voice that sounded eerily like her younger sister, Kitty, whispered _burnout_ , but she ignored that voice. 

            Around seven p.m., her phone buzzed and she saw a text from Chris.

 

_I’m having a few people over._

_Come out of your work-cave and have a beer._

            Lara Jean wrote back:

 

_Give me an hour._

_Do you need me to pick up anything?_

            A few seconds later her phone buzzed.

 

_My fun roommate._

            Lara Jean rolled her eyes, quickly deciding that did not necessitate a response, and instead turned her attention back to her paper. Two hours later she did not have a single word written, but she did acquire a new headache.  She packed up her bag and headed home, weathering surprisingly heavy traffic.  When she got off the elevator on her floor, she heard loud music, and idly thought to herself that she may be making a noise complaint tonight.

            Then she realized the noise was coming from her apartment.

            Chris’s definition of having a few people over was very different from Lara Jean’s.  There were at least fifteen people packed into the living room.  Lara Jean saw that the music came from an iPhone resting in a glass for amplification.  Their kitchen counter was filled with alcohol and one lone bowl of chips. Chris spotted her and rushed over, throwing her arm around Lara Jean’s shoulders.

            “It’s about time, roomie!”

            “So, how did this happen?”  she asked tentatively.

            “Yeah.  It’s a little more than a few people,” Chris said.  “But, it’ll be fun!  And you need some fun.  You’ve been practically living at the library these days.”

            “I have a lot to do.”

            Chris screwed her face into what Lara Jean could only imagine was supposed to be a stern look, and intoned, “All work and no play makes Lara Jean a dull girl.”

            Lara Jean fought back laughter and asked, “Did you just quote Stephen King to me?”

            “I don’t want you to go crazy and murder all of us,” Chris said.  “So, please, go have a drink.”

            “Fine.  I’ll go have a drink.  But, can we promise to close this shindig up before one?  This dull girl needs a good night’s sleep.”

            Chris shrugged and took a large gulp of her drink. Sighing, Lara Jean headed over to the kitchen to pour herself a drink.  Peter was over by the refrigerator, pouring himself a glass of kombucha. 

            “I don’t know how you drink that stuff,” she said.

            “Hey, you’re here,” he said, mouth pulling into a wide grin.  “I thought you may have been eaten by the library or something.”

            Lara Jean frowned.  “Am I really there that much?”

            “Kind of,” Peter admitted.  “But we understand.  Law school is important to you.”

            Lara Jean poured herself a glass of wine and said, “I think I’m doing 3L wrong.  Everyone else is going out every night and planning these extensive post-bar trips. Meanwhile, I’m in the library on a Friday night.”

            “Can you drop any classes?”

            Lara Jean shook her head.  “Not at this point.”  She took a deep breath and followed it with a sip of wine.  “It’ll be fine.  I’ll make it work.  I always do.”

            “That’s something I’ve always admired about you. You don’t wallow on things.”

            She looked at him questioningly and he continued.

            “I still remember in high school when those letters you wrote accidentally got sent out.” 

            Lara Jean’s cheeks flushed at the memory.  When she was younger, she wrote letters to her crushes as a sort of good-bye ritual.  She put them in addressed envelopes, complete with a stamp and return address, and then placed them in a hatbox.  After a particularly bad fight with her little sister, Kitty, the latter sent out the letters. 

            “I would have been mortified-“

            “Oh, I was,” she assured him.

            He laughed.  “Yeah, but you moved past it so quickly.  I was always really impressed by that.”

            Lara Jean smiled weakly and took another sip of wine. What Peter didn’t know was that there was one letter that didn’t get sent.  It was addressed to him, and thankfully stuffed in the top drawer of her desk instead of the hatbox. 

            “Well, anyway, I should bring Gen her drink,” Peter said. 

              Lara Jean nodded.  She looked around for her former friend, and found her looking at both of them with a sour look on her face.  She gave a little wave, and Gen turned away immediately.  Peter witnessed the exchange and uncomfortably tried to explain, “She had a rough time at work today.”

            “Yeah, sure,” Lara Jean said off-handedly.  Of course, Lara Jean thought the exchange was more due to the fact that Gen strongly disliked her, but there was no reason to state the obvious.

 

* * *

 

            As the night went on, the party thinned out until it was a small group of seven seated in the living room for the ubiquitous game of truth or dare.  Lara Jean thought it was a bit juvenile, but she couldn’t deny the appeal of watching a person drink a mixture of milk, tequila and chocolate sauce.        

            “Chug, chug, chug!”  the group chorused as the unlucky participant downed the contents. It came back up almost the moment it went down, the girl rushing to the bathroom with a hand clamped over her mouth.

            “Should someone check on her?”  Lara Jean asked.

            “I’ve seen her put back an entire bottle of Everclear in a night.  She’ll be fine,” Chris said dismissively.  “Alright, since Penny is currently indisposed, I’m in charge.  You’re up, LJ.  Let me guess.  Truth.”

            Lara Jean playfully held her friend’s gaze and said, “No, dare.”

            “Are you sure?  Because the penalty for turning down a dare is a shot of tequila, and you _cannot_ turn it down.  It messes with the integrity of the game.”

            Lara Jean laughed.  “The integrity of the game?  We’re playing truth or dare.”

            “I don’t make the rules, LJ.  I just play by them.”

            “She won’t do anything,” Gen loudly whispered to the girl next to her.  “Lara Jean’s never been the dare type.”

            Peter looked uncomfortable next to her, but Lara Jean suddenly felt a jolt of energy.  She may not have been able to string a coherent sentence together for her paper, but here was a challenge she could conquer.  She could do the damn dare.

            “I won’t need that tequila shot,” she said defiantly.  “Give me my dare.”

            Chris raised her eye brows appreciatively. “Alright.  I dare you to go over to our hottie neighbor and invite him over.”

            “This is lame,” Gen complained.

            “No, it’s the ultimate psychological warfare,” Chris corrected.  “Lara Jean has been obsessed with this guy for an entire year, but has barely spoken to him.  Believe me, this is the best dare.”

            “Hold on, are you talking about the guy across the hall with the man bun?”  Peter said. Lara Jean only blushed, and Peter went, “Seriously, Covey?  _Man bun_?”

            “He has soulful eyes!”

            “Go on, LJ.  Get your man!”  Chris enthused.

            Lara Jean took a deep breath before standing up. She addressed the group as a whole and said, “I’ll be back.”

            The group whooped behind her as she walked out of the apartment and crossed the hall to his apartment.  She knocked on the door and midway through her third knock, he opened the door.  There he was, in all of his man-bun glory.  He was wearing a flannel shirt and skinny dark jeans.  She had to catch her breath before she said, “Hi, you probably don’t know who I am, but –“

            “4G,” he said.  “You’re, uh, Laura-something?”

            “It’s Lara Jean, actually” she said.  Frankly, she was surprised he even half-knew the first part of her name.  She usually ducked behind the nearest door anytime she saw him.  Once she went into the trash room without any trash.

            “Right, right.  So, um, can I help you?”

            “I have people over at my apartment.  And, I was sort of dared to invite you.  So…”

            “Your dare was to invite a neighbor to a party?” he asked with a slight grin.

            “We’re not a very adventurous group,” she said. “You obviously don’t have to go. Granted, they probably won’t believe I asked you then and I’ll be forced to drink tequila.  But-“

            “Do you always ramble like this?”

            “A little,” she admitted.

            He laughed.  “I’ll stop by for a bit.  It sounds like you have some really rowdy dares going on.”

            He winked down at her and then walked into her apartment, Lara Jean staring after him.  When she got a hold of herself, she followed him into the apartment.  He was settling down into the circle of people, and patted the space next to him.  Her eyes slid over to Peter, who had an unreadable expression on his face.  She didn’t pay too much attention to it, though, when man-bun called out, ““What are you waiting for?”

            What _was_ she waiting for?  She sat down next to man-bun, and Chris said, “Alright, LJ.  Pick who’s next.”

            Peter was the last one left, and he looked at her expectantly, but she felt herself turn toward man-bun and say, “Guests first. What do you say?”

            “Dare.  Always dare.”

            “Okay, um…”

            “I dare you to kiss Lara Jean,” Gen said loudly.

            Lara Jean looked over at her in a panic and stammered, “You don’t get to pick the dare.”

            “Yes, she can,” Chris piped in excitedly. “House rules!”

            “It’s _my_ house, too!”

            She went to argue more when man-bun took a hold of her face and crashed his mouth against hers.  She was frozen, too surprised by the new lips on hers.  It had been an embarrassingly long time since she’d done this.  A _pathetically_ long time.  But, it turned out that kissing was a bit like riding a bike.  A little practice, and it all came back. He pulled away first, smirking down at her.

            “Anyone else feel like they need a cold shower?” someone stage-whispered.

            Lara Jean flushed, ducking her chin to her chest as she fought back a grin.  Peter cleared his throat across the circle and said, “I think it’s my turn, yeah?”

            “Truth or dare?”  man-bun asked.

            Peter lifted his chin and threw back, “Dare.”

            Man-bun was about to give a dare, when the milk-tequila-chocolate-sauce-girl joined the group again and slurred, “I dare you, Petey K, to tell us your first kiss.”

            “Such a waste,” Chris said, pouring herself a shot of tequila.  She took it back and then told Lara Jean, “I thought there was about to be a Kavinsky-man-bun showdown.”

            Peter cleared his throat and said, “Uh, really? That’s my dare?”

            The group shrugged, not really that excited by the low-stakes dare.  Lara Jean already knew the answer.  She remembered Gen telling her when they were kids.  Gen and Peter in the old tree house behind Lara Jean’s house. 

            “Sweetie, just tell them,” Gen said in a tight voice.

            Peter hesitated and then said, “Okay.  Um, my first kiss was…”  Lara Jean looked up at the long pause, and then was floored when he finished with, “Lara Jean.”

            Huh? 

            “Wait, like, THAT Laura Jean?” the girl asked.

            Peter rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Uh, yeah.  It was spin the bottle.  You know.  Middle school stuff.”

            Now, Lara Jean was really confused.  Per Gen’s story, her and Peter kissed in the tree house the week before the game of spin the bottle.  She remembered the tiny blonde telling her after the game, “I’d be super mad at you for kissing my crush but we already kissed in your tree house.”

            “Did you guys date or something?”  man-bun asked.

            Gen stood abruptly and stormed out of the apartment, Peter reluctantly following.  The door closed noisily behind him.

            “So, man-bun, welcome to our home,” Chris said placidly.

            “And her roommate’s mouth,” someone tossed in gamely.

            “You know I have an actual name.  It’s-“

            “No,” Chris interrupted.  “I like man-bun.”

 

* * *

 

            The party broke up around one in the morning and Lara Jean and Chris cleaned up the remnants.  There were tiny plastic shot glasses everywhere.  Lara Jean found a red solo cup resting behind their plotted plant.

            “Why did it feel like a good idea to put that there?”

            “I don’t know,” Chris said, yawning wide.  “There’s no explaining drunken logic.”

            “I guess not.  I can finish this up if you want to go to bed.”

            “No, I’ll help.”

            “We’re almost done,”  Lara Jean said.  “Besides, I need to clear my head a little.  You know cleaning helps.”

            “Clear your head from that whopping kiss?”  Chris said knowingly.

            Lara Jean laughed.  “No.  Just the normal school stuff.”

            Chris groaned.  “It is so you to finally have something exciting to take up your thoughts, and you still go back to school.”

            “What can I say?  I’m a creature of habit.”

“Are you sure you’re good to finish up?”  
 Lara Jean nodded.  “You know I’ll just redo your Swiffer-ing anyway.”

“Yes, you will.  Okay, night. Love you!”

Chris padded off to sleep and Lara Jean continued cleaning.  She hadn’t been entirely honest when she told Chris that she was thinking about school.  She was thinking about Peter and his little admission.  With this newfound knowledge, parts of her adolescence that never quite fit together suddenly made sense.  His gentleness.  Gen’s sudden betrayal.  It turns out she wasn’t as innocent of a party as she thought.

The front door opened and Peter joined her.  He looked tired, and she asked, “Everything okay with you and Gen?”

“She’s pretty pissed.”

Lara Jean didn’t quite understand why.  Peter was with Gen now.  Who cared who his first kiss was?

“I’m sorry.”

“What do you have to apologize for?” he asked with surprise.

“Well, I feel sort of responsible.  I mean, I was your first kiss and not her.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that.  Besides, it was spin the bottle.  It’s not like it meant anything.”

“Right,” she said, not understanding why she immediately bristled at that.  “We were just kids.”

“Barely even knew what we were doing.”

Lara Jean was quiet for a moment and then said, “You were my first, too.”

“Really?”

She nodded and then teased, “I was sort of hoping that it would be John Ambrose McClaren, but you were a good second choice.”

Peter laughed and wordlessly started helping her finish up the last of cleaning.  He glanced over at her and said, “So, are you really into man-bun?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.”

“He has stupid hair.”

Lara Jean bit back a smile.  “You really hold back your opinions, huh?”

“I bet he’s the type who makes his own compost piles.  And re-uses napkins.”

“He doesn’t re-use napkins,” Lara Jean said immediately.  She considered it for a moment and added, “And if he does, it just means he’s environmentally conscious.”

“Your wedding will have lentil loaf.”

Lara Jean gagged.  “Okay, now you took it too far.  You know how much I value baked goods.”  She took a deep breath.  “Besides, I think tonight was more about the dare than anything else.”

“What do you mean?  You don’t think he was into you?”  
Lara Jean shrugged.

“You always did this growing up,” Peter said, shaking his head.  “Man-bun is into you, Covey.”

Lara Jean felt a cross between elation and panic at the thought.  She rested the Swiffer against the couch and said, “I think I’m going to finish the rest of this in the morning."

"I'll finish up."  When she looked at him questionably he said, "I have some pent up energy to work out.  You know, from the fight and all."

"Right," she said.  What else would he have pent up energy from?  "Good night, Peter."

"Night, Covey."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a BIG one. I hope you all enjoy!!

Lara Jean was beginning to think that her paper writing problems were more than just end of semester strains.  She became listless, spending class day-dreaming about the episode of _The Office_ that she was going to watch later that night or the way man-bun had the slightest of a dimple on his right cheek when he smiled.  She even bombed a few cold-calls, and she _always_ knew the answer.  Her distraction proved even more apparent when she forgot her books for an afternoon class.  She vaguely remembered them being on her desk.  But she also studied at a Starbucks that weekend.

            Lara Jean pulled out her phone and dialed Chris’ number.  Her roommate answered after a few rings and said, “You will never believe the argument I just overheard.  Do you know Patty next door?  She-“

            “Chris, I need you to check and see if my Laws of War book is on my desk,” Lara Jean interrupted, teeth nervously working at her bottom lip.  She was becoming increasingly sure that the book was not on her desk, but instead, at a random Starbucks on Neil Street.  But maybe she was wrong.  Maybe, against all odds it-

            “It’s not there.”

            “Can you look around my room?  Maybe it’s next to my bed or something?”

            “Your room is freakishly clean so I can tell you with certainty, it is not here.”

            “Shit,” Lara Jean breathed out.  “I must have left it at Starbucks this weekend.”

            “Which one?  I can drive over after work.”

            “It’s the one all the way on Neil,” Lara Jean said. “It’s too far for you to go to.  I’ll just pick it up after class today, and _shit_ –“

            Lara Jean remembered that she was supposed to have a meeting with administration that evening to discuss graduation events. Along with her heavy course load, Lara Jean also served as President of the Student Bar Association, and the group was helping coordinate graduation weekend.  She had planned on camping out in the library until her meeting.

            “I can’t stop by after,” she said.  “I have my SBA meeting.  I guess I can swing by on my way to class tomorrow?  But then there’s the morning rush.”

            “I’ll go get it,” Chris said.  “Besides, I like that one hot barista that works there. Maybe I’ll get lucky and we’ll have a run-in.”

            “Are you sure you don’t mind?”  Lara Jean asked.

            “Not at all.  What are friends for, if not tracking down your textbooks across Starbucks?”

            “You are a life saver.  Thank you.”

            Lara Jean rushed to her next class, fielding a cold-call particularly well considering her state of mind.  The class dragged by, but finally the fifty minutes were up and she shuffled with the rest of the students out into the pavilion. She stopped short when she saw Peter sitting on one of the couches.  She thought for a second that he must have been meeting someone else.  But, who else would he know at her law school?

            He caught sight of her and stood.  Her eyes went to the book clutched in his hand.

            “You brought me my book?” she asked in mild wonderment.

            “Yeah.  I was working from home today, and I overheard Chris talking with you.  It seemed sort of important, so…” he trailed off when he saw that Lara Jean was near tears.  “Are you okay”

            “It’s just so nice of you,” she said, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.  “You came all the way here.  And I know how frustrating our parking lot is.”

            “It wasn’t that bad,” he said with a half-shrug. “I had to drive around a few times, but I found a spot.”

            Lara Jean burst into tears, and Peter quickly sat her down as he said, “Whoah, whoah, whoah, what’s going on?”

            She shook her head, too embarrassed at her sudden outburst.  She could feel the stares from the other students around her and she hated to think what would be said about her.  After a moment, she collected herself enough so that she was able to speak.

            “It’s just been a really difficult few weeks. I’ve overbooked myself with all of my classes and extra-curriculars.  It’s just, I want to do it all.  It’s my last year here, I want to make it count.  But…it’s too much.”

            “Of course it is,” Peter said.  Was it really that obvious that she was floundering? Lara Jean would have been mortified it she wasn’t so tired.  “I see how hard you work yourself.  Honestly, I’m surprised you kept the pace up this long.”

            Lara Jean took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry for crying.  I think I’ve been keeping that in for a while.” 

            Peter studied her face for a moment and then said, “You know what I think you need?” 

            “Hm?”

            “A day off.”

            “I have Fridays off,” she returned.

            “Yeah, and you spend the entire day in the library. You need a real day off.”  He stood up and held his hand down for her.  “Come on, Covey.  I’m taking you to lunch.”

            “I can’t.  I have class in a half hour.”

            “Play hooky.”

            Lara Jean laughed out loud, and when he still looked at her seriously, she said, “I can’t do that.”

            “Why not?”

            “Coveys don’t play hooky.  We’re not built that way.”

            “I’m pretty sure Kitty has played hooky at some point.”

            He had a point.  “Kitty’s the black sheep of the family.  Besides, don’t you have to work?”

            He shrugged.  “I’ll just have Chris move my mouse ever thirty minutes or so.”

            “Peter-“

            “Take it from a completely unbiased outside observer, you’re burned out.  Or close to it.  You need some time where you’re not thinking about this building.  Will missing one class really hurt you that much?”

            Lara Jean took a deep breath.  No, it would not hurt her.  And, yes, she was very likely burned out, or as he said, close to it. She was trained to think logically, and if she looked at her situation logically, all signs pointed to her needing a break.

            “I have a meeting with administration at five that I can’t miss.”

            Peter nodded.  “Okay, I can work with that.”

 

* * *

 

            They ended up at a small diner on the outskirts of campus.  Lara Jean could tell from his familiarity with the menu that he’d clearly been here before.  She watched him covertly as he went through the menu and voiced his approval of his favorite dishes.  His eagerness was endearing.

            “We have to get the loaded fries,” Peter said. “Those are a non-negotiable.  And I think I’m…yeah, definitely getting a chocolate milkshake.”

            “Fries and a milkshake?”

            “I’m a growing boy, Covey.”

            “Peter Kavinsky, is that you?”

            Lara Jean looked up to see an older woman standing next to their table.  She was somewhere in her sixties and wore a bright red apron around her waist.  The woman was looking at Peter with a wide grin. Lara Jean wasn’t entirely surprised, because people tended to smile around him, but it was the warm affection that struck her. 

            “Hi Dorothy,” he said, his voice warm.  “It’s been a while, huh?”

            “You bet it has.”  Dorothy looked over at Lara Jean and said, “When this one was at school he came three or four times a week.”

            “And you were always my favorite waitress,” Peter charmed.

            Dorothy smacked him on his arm with her notepad. “You say that to all of us.”

            “And I mean it equally.”

            Dorothy smiled indulgently and then looked over at Lara Jean.  Her eyes lingered on Lara Jean for a moment before she leaned in toward Peter and said conspiringly, “Your girl is very pretty, Peter.”

            Peter laughed uncomfortably.  “She’s not my girl.  In fact, I think she’d object to that loudly.”

            “We’re roommates,” Lara Jean said. 

            Dorothy looked unconvinced and Peter said, “Alright alright, why don’t we put our order in?”

            “Whatever you want, sugar.”  Dorothy winked at Lara Jean and she felt her cheeks flush. 

            “Lara Jean, you go first,” Peter said.

            “I’ll do a cherry coke and the Caesar salad,” Lara Jean said.  “Is there any way I can get extra croutons?”

            Dorothy nodded and wrote down the order as she said, “Cherry coke and Caesar with extra crunch.  Got it.  What about you, Peter?”

            “Chocolate milkshake…cheeseburger with onion rings…and an order of loaded fries for the table.”

            Dorothy looked at him with disapproval over her notepad.  “You’re getting a little old to eat like that, Peter.”

            “The fries are for the table!”

            “You need to start thinking about your heart health,” Dorothy lectured.  “That’s how my old Bob died.”

            “I promise to eat some kale for dinner.”

            Dorothy pointed her pen at Lara Jean and said, “Watch him.”

            “I will,” she returned resolutely. 

            Dorothy disappeared back into the kitchen and Lara Jean leaned forward, eyes dancing.  “She _really_ knows you.” 

            “I came here a lot.  It’s good food.  Good people. What’s not to like?”

            “I can’t believe you’re a regular somewhere. I always wanted to be a regular.”

            “What about the Corner Café?”  Peter asked.

            Lara Jean thought of their hometown café and smiled wistfully.  She spent a lot of time there growing up, but it never really felt like hers.

            “That always felt more like my parent’s place,” Lara Jean said.  “They used to go there when they dated.  It’s even where they got engaged.”

            “Wow, I didn’t know that.”

            “Anyway, I’ve always wanted a place of my own.”

            “Well, if you’re not entirely opposed to sharing, I’m happy to let you have this place.”

"Do you think Dorothy would approve?"

 

* * *

 

            After lunch they walked around campus, Peter showing Lara Jean his favorite spots.  They stopped at the library at Lara Jean’s insistence, Peter laughing as she looked around in awe.

            “Didn’t they have libraries at UNC?”

            “Yeah, but they’re all different.  Just _look_ at this one.  I should come here and study.”

            “I can’t say I did much _studying_ here,” Peter said off-handedly.

            His phrasing was off, and Lara Jean asked, “What do you mean?”

            Peter went pink all the way to the top of his ears, and he awkwardly said, “You know…”

            Lara Jean’s eyes widened when she did, in fact, know.  Frankly, it made sense that she would study in a library and Peter Kavinsky would partake in more carnal activities.  Her thoughts reluctantly went to Gen.  She had been wondering about something since their party, but she never had the courage to bring it up before.  But, after an entire afternoon together, she felt emboldened.

            “Peter, can I ask you something and you promise to not get mad?”

            “Yeah, sure.”

            She hesitated before asking, “Why are you and Gen together?”

            He looked somewhat stricken by her question, and she guessed that she couldn’t entirely blame him.  But, they were sharing a moment and she wanted to know. He was such a good guy, and it just didn’t make sense that he would still be with someone like Gen.

He cleared his throat and said, “I guess because we love each other?”

            “You love her?” 

            Peter shrugged.  “Yeah.  I mean, we’ve been together for a while.”

            Lara Jean ignored the way her chest tightened. Of course, they loved each other. Peter and Gen were practically together since freshman year of high school.  It was only logical that they would have strong feelings.

            “Why are you asking this?”  Peter asked. 

            “Do you remember our party a few weeks back?” Peter nodded stiffly.  “I remember you guys fighting and then you came back later that night.  You looked so drained.  And…it was over something so silly.  I mean, who cares who your first kiss was?  And I couldn’t help but think – is it worth all of that?  I don’t know, it kind of seems like it isn't.”

            Peter was quiet next to her and she had the distinct sense that she had gone too far.  She went to change the subject when he bitterly said, “Gee, thanks for the relationship advice.”

            “Peter-“

            “No, really.  I’m so glad that someone with your _vast_ experience is willing to enlighten the rest of us.  How many relationships have you been in, Covey? Oh, right.  Zero.  Unless you count your obsession with our shower-challenged neighbor.”

            She wanted to respond.  To give some biting response that would put him in his place. She could just imagine Chris if she were here.  She’d have some sharp report that would toe the line between mean and clever.  She’d come out on top.  Instead, she was standing in front of him alone, fighting back another set of tears. 

            When Peter saw, his face fell and he said, “Shit, Lara Jean-“

            “I have to go to my meeting,” she said quickly, turning away from him.  “I’ll see you at home.”

 

* * *

 

            Lara Jean couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. It was true that she had never been in a real relationship.  She’d been close.  There was Nico Tanner during high school, who took her to prom.  Will Stevens during college, who almost took her virginity.  (She stopped him and they broke up.  It was probably for the best.)  During law school, she went on dates and she tried. She really _did_ try, but none of them were right.  She was looking for fireworks.  The _zsa zsa zoo_ , to quote another iconic singlelton, and it wasn’t there.

            She barely contributed to the meeting, allowing administration to incorrectly attribute it to upcoming finals, and counted down the minutes until she could go home.  It was a relief when the meeting ended.  When she walked out, Peter was waiting for her.  He looked nervous.

            “Lara Jean, I-“

            “I’m sorry,” she blurted out. 

            “What?  Why are you apologizing?  I’m the one who was a total ass hole.”

Lara Jean shook her head.  “I had no right to comment on your relationship with Gen.  I may not understand it, but I don’t have to.  You clearly love her.  That’s enough explanation for me.”

“To be honest, I got so mad because a lot of the time I don’t know why we’re still together,” he admitted.  “And I do love her.  I mean, it’s been seven years.  But, sometimes I think we just end up together because it’s familiar.”

“Familiar isn’t always bad.”

“Yeah, I know.  Anyway, I feel horrible about what I said.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he said resolutely.  “I was out of line and I’m really sorry.”

 “Apology accepted.”  Lara Jean took a deep breath and said, “Can we go home now?  It’s been a _really_ long day.”

Peter grinned.  “Yeah, Covey. We can go home.”

            They drove back separately and by the time Lara Jean parked her car she had made up her mind.  She took the elevator up to her floor and knocked on man-bun’s door. When he answered she reached up and tugged his face down to hers.  He kissed her back, arms winding around her waist, and she pulled away abruptly.

            “Are you free tomorrow night?”  she asked.

            “Yeah.”

            “Good.  You are taking me to dinner.  7:00. Don’t be late.”

            She walked directly to her apartment and disappeared inside, unaware that she left two bewildered men in the hallway.

           

           


	5. Chapter 5

The music blared loudly, some pop song with an indiscernible melody playing from the speakers.  Maybe it was that one DJ Khalid song.  Or that _other_ DJ Khalid song.  The bar was crowded, elbows colliding with sides without much effort.  Lara Jean kept residence in a spot in the back, where it was just quiet enough to attempt a conversation.  Her classmate, Trent, kept going on about his dad’s law firm while openly looking down her dress.  She was wearing a modest v-neck, but still covertly tugged it up a little higher. 

            “We do a lot of transactional work,” he blathered on.  “You know. Mergers.  Acquisitions.”

            “Oh, you do both?”  she asked drily.

            “Yeah.  The best firms always do.”

            She nodded blankly, looking past him into the crowd. 

            “You know, I’m pretty much guaranteed partner shares.  I could talk to the board and see if we can find a spot for you.”

            “I actually already have a job after graduation.”

            “Let’s talk financial packages then.”  He leaned forward and planted a hand on the wall beside her head.  He smelled like he poured a bottle of cologne down his shirt.  “I bet we can sweeten the deal.”

            Lara Jean wanted to gag when she saw Peter walking toward her.  She ducked under Trent’s arm and loudly said, “There you are!”

            Lara Jean tucked herself into Peter’s side and said, “Trent, have you met my boyfriend?”

 

_Earlier That Day_

 

            “I cannot believe you went on a date with man-bun and did not sleep with him.  Talk about a missed opportunity.”

            Lara Jean smirked, skirting around Chris in the kitchen to grab herself a bowl for her cereal.  She pulled out one of her favorite polka dot bowls.  It was from back home, and although it was chipped in a few places, it got the job done.

            “Chris, you know I don’t do that on the first date.”

            “Yes, I know.  But, this is _man-bun_. We all know you’ve been dating him in your mind for months.”

            Lara Jean grinned.  “The date was really good.  He took me to a sushi place in Georgetown.  The sushi was amazing.  My hate for sake was confirmed.”  She sighed contently.  “It was sort of the perfect night.”

            “What was a perfect night?”  Peter asked, joining them in the kitchen.  “Wait, don’t tell me.  You caught another Sandra Bullock marathon on TV?”

            “No, dummy.  She had her date with man-bun,”  Chris said through a full mouth of chewed up bagel.  “Sometimes I really think you don’t pay attention.”

            Peter poured himself a cup of coffee.  “So, it went well?”

            Lara Jean nodded, for some reason feeling uncomfortable going on about the date now that he was there.  Did guys like to hear about dates with other guys? 

            “I think LJ’s in love,” Chris said.  “Just look at the way her skin glows.  That is the look of someone in love.”

            Lara Jean laughed and said, “Slow down, we went on one date.”

            “Yeah,” Peter intoned.  “I mean, it’s not like it’s serious or anything.”

            Lara Jean looked at him strangely and said, “Well, not yet.  I think there’s a chance it could get serious.”

            “I didn’t mean that it couldn’t get serious,” Peter said.  “I just mean that it’s not serious now.  You know. In this moment.  It’s not serious in this moment.”

            “Uh huh.”

            Chris looked between them with interest and then said, “I’m sensing a really weird vibe here.”

            “There’s no vibe,” Peter said immediately. 

            “I don’t know.  I’m sensing a vibe.”

            “You’re just sensing Peter’s dislike,” Lara Jean returned, pouring a bit more cereal into her bowl.  “He’s not man-bun’s biggest fan.”

            “Okay, can we just call him by his real name?” Peter said. 

            “Absolutely not,” Chris said.  “We do not have many house rules, but that is one of them. Please abide by the house rules, Peter Kavinsky.”

            Lara Jean shrugged. 

            “I just don’t like the guy.  That’s all.  Why does my opinion even matter?”

            “It doesn’t,” Lara Jean said with more tranquility than she actually felt.  It was driving her crazy that he didn’t like man-bun.  Maybe that’s how he felt about her not liking Gen?

            “I think it’s an alpha thing,” Chris said.

            “What?”

            “Alphas instinctively don’t trust each other. See, an alpha doesn’t want _another_ alpha swooping in and taking what’s his. It’s basic evolution.”

            Peter laughed sardonically.  “You think man-bun is an alpha?”

            Meanwhile, Lara Jean unhappily said, “Why do I have to belong to someone in this scenario?”

            Chris ignored Lara Jean and said, “Did you see him lay one on LJ at our party?”  She openly relished at the way Peter’s jaw tightened.  “Dude’s an alpha.  And you, Peter Kavinsky, are definitely an alpha.”

            “Okay, I’m not some weird evolutionary prize to pee all over,” Lara Jean said.  “I don’t belong to man-bun.”  She looked at Peter.  “I definitely don’t belong to you.  So, let’s just move on, please?”

            Peter calmed somewhat at her words and relented with, “I’ll try to like him more.  Even with all of his millennial nonsense.”

            “You _are_ a millennial,”  Lara Jean reminded him.

            “Yes.  But I don’t wear ironic flannel and go on about my collection of succulents.” 

            “Question,” Chris said slowly.  “Do you think his collection of succulents is a euphemism?”

            Lara Jean nearly choked on her coffee. 

 

* * *

 

 

            Peter had a work meeting out in downtown Charlottseville, and he offered to drive Lara Jean to the law school.  As they drove, Lara Jean fiddled with the radio until she landed on a good song. 

            “Are you seriously playing Taylor Swift right now? My car may never forgive you.”

            “I don’t think you should speak for your car. I happen to think it is a big Taylor Swift fan.”

 

_I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_Shake it off_

_Shake it off_

            “My friends and I actually made up a dance to this,” Lara Jean said, smiling as she remembered them choreographing it in her friend’s living room.  “It was finals 1L.  We were all delirious from studying.  This song just came out and we thought it was the best idea.”

            “Please tell me you remember the dance.”

            Lara Jean sent him a sly grin.  “Of course, I do.  And you are never going to see it.”

            “What!  Come on, Covey.  You can’t hold out on me like that.”

            “It was a limited time engagement,” she returned. “Besides, one of my friends transferred to University of Pennsylvania.  It just isn’t the same without her.”

            “Are you going to miss it?”  Peter asked.

            “Law school?”  He nodded.  “I guess so. It’s sort of like being back in high school.  You’re around everyone all the time.  Sometimes it’s awful.  But other times…it’s kind of the best.”

            Peter stopped in front of her building and she picked her bag up from between her legs.  Before she got out she asked, “Do you still want to stop by the bar review tonight?”

            He nodded.  “Yeah.  Gen’s been on this cleanse where she doesn’t drink.  It’s been torture.  It’ll be nice to get out.”

            Lara Jean laughed.  “We’re meeting at Murphy’s around eight.”

            “Will man-bun be there?”

            “No, he has a wood-working class tonight.”

            Peter stared at her.  “Seriously?  Wood-working?”

            “Peter-“

            “Don’t make me say it, Covey.  Don’t make me…okay, I’m going to say it…millennial nonsense!” 

            Lara Jean rolled her eyes.  “I’ll see you tonight, Peter.”

* * *

 

 

            Several hours later, under the fluorescent glow of Murphy’s cheap wattage, Lara Jean pressed herself into Peter’s side, jumping a bit when he slid his arm clear around her waist.  His hand rested possessively on her hip.  She hadn’t really thought through grabbing him as a human shield against creepy Trent, but he didn’t seem to mind.  He sized up Trent with one long look and then said, “Thanks for my keeping my girl busy.  Otherwise, she would have noticed how late I was.”

            “You’re with him?”  Trent asked slowly.

            “Yep.”

            Trent seemed to consider throwing his hat in the ring, but then thought better of it and turned away with a quick, “See you later, Lara Jean.”

            She watched him walk away and then disentangled herself from Peter.  “Thank you so much.  You saved me from comparing financial _packages_.”

            “Gross.”

            “I know.  He offered to sweeten the deal.  I don’t even want to know what sweeten the deal meant.”

            “I think you know what it meant.”

            “I know,” she said quickly.  “Anyway, you’re here.  Hello.”

            She gave him a quick hug and when she pulled away her friends approached.  They eyed Peter approvingly and a diminutive blonde, Ashley, said, “Lara Jean, is this the guy you were telling us all about?  Are we finally meeting him?”

            Lara Jean went silent, embarrassment flooding her chest as she realized she would have to tell them that, no, this was not man-bun.  Before the wood working class, man-bun had been planning to join her, and she may have been a bit liberal in sharing the news.  It’s just that she never had anything to share when it came to men, and finally she did.  It all felt so foolish now. 

            Peter noticed the tightness behind her eyes.

She went to tell them that man-bun wasn’t going to make it when Peter smoothly said, “I’m Peter.  Lara Jean’s boyfriend.”

Logically, Lara Jean knew that she should correct him. She could make a joke out of it.  _Classic Peter, he’s just my roommate_.  _What a jokester_.  They would all laugh and there’d be no harm.  No monumental lie.  Instead, Lara Jean slid her hand around his arm.  He grinned down at her, and she just about wanted to kick herself for the butterflies that went off in her stomach.

“Wait, didn’t you say he had a man-bun?” Ashley asked in confusion.

“I did have one, but I cut it off,” Peter returned easily. “Because man-buns are dumb.”

            Ashley nodded slowly and said, “Oh, okay.”

            “I don’t know, I liked your man-bun,” Lara Jean said, looking up at him innocently.  “It had character.”

            Peter gave her a challenging look.  “Really?”

            “Really.”

            “I can’t imagine you with a man-bun,” Ashley said thoughtfully.  “Like, I’m trying.  And I can’t.”

            Peter nodded and returned, “You know, now that it’s gone, I can’t either.  It’s almost like it never happened.”

           

* * *

 

 

            Several drinks into the night, Lara Jean leaned her side heavily against the wall and said, “I like this fake boyfriend thing. I should do it more often.”

            Peter grinned.  His back was flush against the wall, and he was surveying the room as he sipped on a whiskey and coke.      

            “I mean it.  You get your drinks brought to you.  Creepy men stay away.  I don’t know why more women haven’t thought about it.”

            “They probably have real boyfriends.”

            “Oh.  Yeah. But that seems like a lot more work.”

            Peter chuckled and turned to face her.  Someone bumped into him and he stumbled forward, hands coming up to rest softly on her waist.  He kept them there for only a moment before lowering them and saying, “We should get you home.”

            “You’re good people, Peter Kavinsky.”

            He smiled wryly and said, “Thank you, Covey.”

            “I mean it,” she continued.  “I am very lucky to have you as my fake boyfriend.”

            She reached up and laid a hand on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat beneath her fingertips.  It seemed to beat in time with her own.   He covered her hand with his and interlaced their fingers.

            “It’s time to go home, Covey.”

 

* * *

 

 

            That night, Lara Jean fell into a fitful sleep. As her buzz receded, she was rudely reminded of their time at the wall.  Their hands pressed against his chest, fingers interlaced.  It had been such an intimate moment.  More than anything she shared with man-bun.  She didn’t know what it meant.  Probably nothing.  Peter Kavinsky had always been off-limits, and that hadn’t changed.  He was Gen’s.

            She went out to the kitchen to get water and found him on the couch.  He was watching _Ms. Congeniality_ , the sound nearly absent so that it wouldn’t wake either her or Chris.  She forgot about the water and walked over, settling next to him on the couch.

            “You know I will use this as payback in the future,” Lara Jean said, pointing at the screen.

            “That seems fair.”

            They were quiet for a while, Michael Caine teaching Sandra Bullock how to be a woman, when Lara Jean said, “I feel like I need to apologize for tonight.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “The whole fake boyfriend thing.  I know you’re with Gen.  I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

            They both knew she was talking about what happened at the wall, but neither explicitly mentioned it.

            “You didn’t make things weird.”

            She nodded.  “So, are we good?”

            Peter knocked his knee against hers.  “Yeah, we’re good.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your reviews are amazing. Honestly, all the feedback makes me even more excited for this story and write faster. So, thank you!!

 

            Lara Jean sat in the bar, watching quietly as the two main men in her life exchanged heated words.  They were drawing looks from the other tables.  Some interested looks.  Some disapproving.  Lara Jean’s drink was low, but she knew there wasn’t a chance of it being filled. Their waiter stopped coming to the table a good fifteen minutes earlier.  Chris gave her an apologetic look and leaned in to whisper, “I’m sorry, LJ. I never should have brought it up.” 

            She didn’t blame Chris.  How could she have known how things would escalate?  Peter leaned hard into his argument, the vein next to his left eye throbbing just a bit, and Lara Jean snapped, “That’s enough! We’re not discussing this anymore.”

            “Good, so you agree with me?”  Peter asked.

            “No.  I am neutral. I am Switzerland.”

            Peter’s eyes went wide and he said, “How can you be neutral?  Your guy’s saying that George Dalton is the best Bond, and you’re neutral?”

            For the past thirty minutes, they had been warring over the best Bond.  Both men had apparently been brought up watching the movies and had strong and immovable opinions.  Lara Jean hadn’t even seen the Daniel Craig iteration, so she truly had no dog in this fight.

            “It’s because she knows it’s the truth,” man-bun said.  “George Dalton is the superior Bond.”

            “No, it’s Sean Connery.  Come on, man, he got the role by the way he smoked a cigarette on a street corner. He _is_ James Bond.”

            “It’s such a cliché to say Sean Connery,” man-bun said. 

            “Yeah, and it’s a hipster cliché to go with literally the least important Bond.  It’s like saying Ringo Starr is your favorite Beatle.”

            Man-bun clearly had opinions on that front, but before he could speak Chris said, “We are not getting into a Beatles debate! This bar hates us enough.”

            The table settled down somewhat and Lara Jean asked, “What time does trivia start again?” 

            “Eight,” man-bun said.  He leaned back and draped his arm over the back of Lara Jean’s chair. “Does anyone want more drinks?  I can get a round.”

            “No, I’ll get it,” Peter said.  He stood before man-bun could object, and said to Lara Jean, “You still want your regular?”

            “Oh, um, sure.”

            He walked away without any other drink orders and Chris said, “He is getting drinks for more than you, right?”

            “Yeah, I’m sure he is,” Lara Jean said dismissively. She turned to man-bun and told him, “Thank you for offering to get the next round.  That was very sweet of you.”

            “You have to step it up when you take your woman out.”

            Lara Jean smiled softly and leaned in for a quick kiss.  They had been dating for a few weeks now, and man-bun became a frequent fixture of their evenings.  It hadn’t been a seamless fit in the beginning.  Peter definitely took some time to adjust to a new male in the apartment, but Lara Jean thought things had settled well enough.

            “Ugh, the she-devil is approaching,” Chris groaned just before Gen joined them at the table.  She asked where Peter was and Chris said, “Up at the bar getting Lara Jean a drink.”

            “He’s getting the table drinks,” Lara Jean corrected quickly.  “How are you, Gen?  It’s nice to see you.”

It was not, in fact, nice to see her.  But civility seemed to be the appropriate route to take.

            “I’m fine,” Gen said.  “Why did you guys decide to come here?  It’s such a dive.”

            “We come here a lot,” Lara Jean said, a bit defensively.  The bar was only a block from their apartment and had a surprisingly good menu for late night food.  Gen wrinkled her nose and said, “Oh.”

            Peter came back with the drinks – he did, in fact, get a round for the whole table – and said, “Hey, Gen, you made it!”

            After he set the drinks down he kissed Gen hello, the receiver of the kiss grasping the back of his neck and returning it with arguably more gusto than was necessary.  Lara Jean suddenly found her drink very interesting. 

            “I think I need to help you guys find better bars,” Gen said, settling down into the seat next to Peter.  “There is this speakeasy over by me.  Peter, we went there last week, remember?”

            “Oh yeah.”

            Lara Jean could tell from his tone that he hadn’t been impressed.

            “Anyway, they have amazing drinks.  Good ambience.  It’s really a step up from a place like this.”

            “Thanks, but we like our step-down places,” Chris said.

            “Don’t get all offended now,” Gen said, voice saccharine sweet.  “I’m just trying to widen your horizons.”

            Lara Jean’s phone pinged with an email and she quickly checked her phone, deflating when she saw that it was just an email from Grubhub.  Peter saw the mercurial change in her mood and asked, “Is it up?”

            She shook her head.  “No.”

            “Is what up?”  Gen asked.

            “Lara Jean’s waiting for her grades to be posted.”

            “I don’t get why you’re so nervous.  You already have a job,” Chris said.

            “Yeah, but it still goes toward my honors,” Lara Jean said.  “And my firm gets the grades.  I’ve heard of firms rejecting offers if you blow it your final semester.”

            “Gosh, I don’t even remember what it’s like waiting for grades,” Gen said.  “It sounds so juvenile now.”

            Lara Jean felt a sharp retort on her tongue, but pushed it down.  She didn’t expect Gen to understand, because she never understood anything outside of her limited life experience.  She still remembered how Gen was when her mom died.  Gen’s annual birthday sleepover was five or six months after Lara Jean’s mom passed away, and Lara Jean stayed home because she still felt nervous leaving her dad.  She had nightmares of coming home and finding out she lost him, too.  Gen had been upset when Lara Jean told her she wasn’t going and when Lara Jean explained why, Gen said, “It’s not like she just died.” Lara Jean should have ended their friendship then, but she was forgiving to a fault.

            “You need to worry less,” man-bun said, pulling her from her thoughts. 

            Lara Jean smiled weakly and said, “You think?”

            “Hey, you have nothing to worry about,” Peter said, his voice warm and calming.  “You’re going to kill it, Covey.  I know it.”

            She nodded, feeling something loosen in her chest. She held his gaze, wanting to hold on to the semblance of tranquility that she felt with his words.  Man-bun cleared his throat and said, “I know it, too.”

            Lara Jean broke her gaze away from Peter and said, “Thank you.  Everyone. But, it’s not a big deal.  I should be present.  Let’s just…” she grabbed her phone and put it in her purse. “There.”

            “You’re going to take it out in two minutes. Maybe even less,” Chris said.

            “My bets on sixty seconds,” Peter said, laughing at the look Lara Jean sent him.

            The crackling sound of an adjusting microphone shot through the bar, and then someone announced the start of trivia.  Lara Jean lightly slammed her palms on the table and said, “Alright guys, let’s win this!”

            “Calm yourself, LJ.  We have never been remotely good at trivia,” Chris said, taking a large gulp of her vodka soda.  “I don’t think we’re going to suddenly start now.”

            “I don’t know.  I feel like tonight is the night.  Tonight is _our_ night.”

            “I’m with Lara Jean,” Peter said.  “We’re going to win this.”

 

* * *

 

            After the first round, it was abundantly clear that they were _not_ going to win this.

            “Why are there so many questions about Canada?” Chris said with exasperation.  “Is this guy from Canada or something?  I don’t get it.”

            “The next category is music,” the trivia host said. “Justin Bieber crashed into the music scene with his No. 1 hit, _Baby_.  How many No. 1 hits has Justin Bieber had?”

            “It’s still a Canada question!”

            “I’m going to get us another round,” Lara Jean said, standing up.  “Everyone want the same thing?”

            The group nodded and she went over to the bar.  She felt someone beside her and expected it to be man-bun.  Instead, it was Peter. 

            “It’s killing you not to know your grades, isn’t it?”

            “I don’t know what you mean,” she said unconvincingly.

            He placed his phone between them on the bar. “Check them.”

            “I’m trying to be present, remember?”

            “I know for a fact you knew that last Canada question. Your distraction is negatively impacting the team.”

            Lara Jean rolled her eyes.  “We have no chance of winning.  Even without me being distracted.”

            Peter’s face turned serious and he said, “Look, I just…I don’t like seeing you this nervous.  Not when you can just log into your email and have answers.  So…” he nudged the phone toward her, “…just check them.”

            Lara Jean took a deep breath and picked up his phone. She clicked over to the internet and typed in her email address.  The website seemed to take forever to load but then it opened.  The email with her grades was directly at the top.  She tapped on the email and gasped when she saw her grades.

            “What is it?”  Peter asked worriedly.  “Is it bad?”

            “No,” she said, shaking her head.  She looked up at him with a wide grin.  “It’s good.  Really good. My offer is definitely not getting revoked!”

            Peter whooped with excitement and threw his arms around her.  She hugged him tightly, relieved that it was over and just a little punch drunk.  He pulled away enough to see her face and said, “It’s sort of cool having a smarty-pants roommate.  So, when you graduate and pass the bar, do we get free legal advice?”

            She laughed and swatted playfully at his arm.

 

* * *

 

            They lost horribly at trivia and left with some shame, considering they came in dead last.  Peter went to spend the night with Gen, so it was just Lara Jean, Chris and man-bun heading back.  Lara Jean’s entire body felt warm from the drinks, and when they got to their floor she heard herself telling Chris, “You go ahead to the apartment.”

            Chris nodded approvingly.  “Okay.”

            “You don’t mind, right?”  Lara Jean asked man-bun.

            “No, come in.”

            She followed him into his apartment.  Even after all the time they spent in there, it still felt foreign to her.  It was essentially the same layout as hers and Chris’ apartment, but it had a distinctly different vibe.  While she favored warm colors, man-bun favored bold.  He had accent walls and funky art.  She imagined it was what a “cool guy” apartment would look like in a movie.

            She sat down on the couch and when he joined her she leaned in, hand sliding around the back of his neck as she guided his mouth to hers.  He pulled away before there was contact with a strained, “Lara Jean, I have to ask you something.”

            “Right now?”

            “Yeah, right now.  Maybe I’m reading too much into things.  I don’t know.”

            “Okay,” she said slowly.  “What are you reading too much into?”

            He took a deep breath and asked, “Are you into Peter?”

            The question took her by surprise, and she stammered, “Am I into Peter?  That’s just…” she trailed off when she realized she didn’t really have a good answer.

            “That’s what I thought,” man-bun said, disappointment evident in his voice.  “I was pretty sure about him, but I didn’t know where you were on it, so-“

            “Wait, what do you mean you were sure about him?”

            “He’s into you,” man-bun said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the word.  Which it was not.  In fact, Lara Jean didn’t believe it.  Peter Kavinsky did not like her.  There were many impossible things that could happen in a life, but Peter Kavinsky liking her was not one of them.

            “He’s not into me,” she said.

            Man-bun let out a bark of strained laughter and said, “Look, I’m not going to argue with you about whether or not your roommate likes you.  But just, believe me, he’s into you.”

            Lara Jean didn’t quite know how to process this information or the fact that it created not an entirely unpleasant reaction from her. Peter liked her.  Peter Kavinsky liked her, Lara Jean Song-Covey.  She grinned suddenly and then immediately regretted it.  Man-bun sat next to her, looking glum and all the things you would expect from someone who received confirmation that the girl they were dating liked someone else.

            “I’m really sorry,” Lara Jean said.

            “Me too.”

            “For what it’s worth, I think you’re a really great guy,” she said. 

            He smiled sadly.  “Thanks.”

            “I probably should go,” she said.  She stood up and hesitated before asking, “Do you think we could still be friends?”

            He nodded and vaguely said, “Sure, why not.  I’ll see you around, Lara Jean.”

            “See you around.”

            Lara Jean left his apartment and unlocked the door to her own, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and questions.  Chris looked up in confusion from their couch and asked, “What are you doing here?”

            “Man-bun and I broke up.”

            “What?  What happened?”

            Lara Jean sat next to her and asked, “Do you think Peter likes me?”

            Without hesitation Chris said, “Yes.”

            Lara Jean laughed humorlessly and asked, “Why haven’t you told me?”

            “Honestly, I thought you would freak.  Are you freaking?”

            “A little,” Lara Jean admitted.  She sighed and scooted closer to Chris, resting her head on her shoulder.  She was quiet for a long moment before she said, “I think I like him, too.”

            “Yeah, I figured,” Chris said softly.  "Is that why you and man-bun broke up?"

"Yeah.  God, how did you and him both know before me?"

"You're kind of oblivious about this sort of stuff."

"It's so embarrassing," Lara Jean said,

"Honestly, it's sort of endearing."

            Lara Jean didn't know if she would agree.  Would Peter?  All Lara Jean could think about was the fact that Peter wasn’t here.  He was with Gen.  His girlfriend. 

            “What am I going to do?” 

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daily updates will likely stop with this chapter. I have some life commitments this weekend that will take me away from my normal evening writing time. Next chapter should be up by Sunday night, though!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied. It stormed all morning, which made for some primo writing time, so you get an update!

With classes over and grades out, only two major events were left for Lara Jean’s law school career.  The later of the events was the ubiquitous graduation, where she would walk across the stage and knowingly receive an empty folder, since the graduate certificates were actually mailed to you weeks later.  Lara Jean personally found graduations exhausting, but her family was excited to see her so she would play along.  Before any of that, though, there was one final rite of passage.

            Law school prom.

            It was actually called the Carbolic Smoke Ball, named after a particularly mind-numbing contracts case they all studied their first year.  However, colloquially they all referred to it at law school prom, partially because it encompassed the end of year activity but also because it had less syllables.   

            Man-bun was originally supposed to go with her, but after their breakup Lara Jean found herself dateless.  It wasn’t actually a problem, as law school prom was not quite as formal as its younger predecessor. It was mostly people drunkenly dancing in large groups and playing nice with the classmates they didn’t like.  But when Peter found out that she was going by herself, he offered himself up as an alternate date.

            “Won’t your law friends all be wondering where the handsome boyfriend they met at that one bar review is?”

            Lara Jean realized one week earlier that she was probably, most likely, very into Peter.  Since that realization, she had done absolutely nothing.  Chris kept telling her that she should tell him, but what was the use?  He was with Gen and they actually seemed moderately happy.  He stayed at Gen’s place more frequently and didn’t get that sort of exhausted look whenever Lara Jean or Chris brought her up, like he did before. 

            Although Lara Jean would not act on her feelings, it did not prevent them from running the entire show.  Which is why she agreed to him taking her to law school prom.  

            Chris sat in Lara Jean’s room as she got ready and said, “You know, if your intention was to not have anything happen between you two, it’s a very dumb idea for you to be in formal wear.”

            “Nothing’s going to happen,” Lara Jean said, attempting to put on mascara without poking herself in the eye.  Her hands were less steady than normal for obvious reasons. 

            “Formal wear changes the game, LJ.  It makes everything sexy.”

            Lara Jean screwed the cap back on her mascara and said, “We’ll be fine.”

            “I still think you’re being an idiot.  You like him.  He likes you.  What’s so complicated about that?”

            “There’s Gen,” she reminded her.

            “He would drop Gen for you in a heartbeat. You don’t see the way he looks at you. It’s like…,” Chris searched for the correct simile and then said, “Someone fresh out of jail seeing a woman for the first time.”

            “Wow, that is a very specific visual.”

            “I wonder if Gen knows about tonight.”

            “I’m sure he told her,” Lara Jean said.  “He wouldn’t lie to her like that.”

            “A lie by omission is different than an outright lie,” Chris said.  “And I could see him omitting this particular act of roommate chivalry.”

            Lara Jean finished her make-up with a swipe of lip gloss and turned to face Chris.  “So, how do I look?”

            She wore a sleeveless red lace dress that hit just below her knees.  It was a slim cut with a high neckline.  The dress had a distinctively mod feel that Lara Jean played up with winged eyeliner and bouncy curls. 

            “You both are screwed.”

            Lara Jean went out into the living room and saw that Peter was already waiting for her.  He was wearing a suit and it looked like he had a fresh haircut.  He wasn’t facing her and when she said his name he looked back, mouth pulling into a soft grin when he saw her.  She blushed before he said a word.

            “Wow, you look amazing.”

            “Thanks.  That’s a nice suit you’re wearing.”

            “I pulled out all the stops.”

            “Okay, you kids, don’t stay out too late,” Chris teased.  “And remember, alcohol is bad.”

            They both laughed and Lara Jean said, “Thank you, Mom.”

            Her and Peter headed out and when they got into the elevator, she thought about what Chris said in her bedroom.  The doors closed and she casually asked, “So, did you tell Gen about tonight?”

            “Oh.  Um, no.”

            “I just don’t want to make things weird between you two.”

            “You don’t have to worry about that,” Peter said. “Gen and I actually broke up last night.”

            Lara Jean blinked rapidly.  “You did?”

            “Yeah.  It was time. It hadn’t been working for a while.”

            “I’m really sorry, Peter.”

            “I think it’s for the best.”

            The elevator doors slid open and he gestured for her to walk out first.  She was relieved for a moment where he couldn’t see her face.  They broke up.  She couldn’t believe it.  Suddenly, the convenient barrier between her and Peter was gone, and she was not filled with relief or joy.  She was filled with terror.

            She took brief solace in the knowledge that he did not know about her feelings.  She held on to that as they got in a cab and made their way to the venue. She knew she was being weird. Conversation was stilted and she kept having these panicky looks cross her face, but he didn’t comment.  When they pulled to a stop in front of the venue, he turned to her and said, “I can see you’re kind of freaking out.”

            Shit.  Shit. Shit.

            “What do you mean?” she said, the phrase going up awkwardly in pitch at the end.

            “We don’t have to keep doing the fake dating thing,” he said.

            The weight lifted minimally off of her chest. He thought she was worried about their fake relationship.  Well, that was a relief.  No, she was actually worried about his non-existent relationship and the fact that he smelled very good and she had to physically stop herself from leaning in and sniffing him during that car ride.  All normal worries, right?  She’d better let him think it’s about the fake dating.    

            “I do feel a bit weird about lying to my friends,” she said.  “But at this point, I feel like we just need to keep it going.”

            “You think so?”

            She nodded and hated herself.  At that moment, if you looked Lara Jean Song-Covey up in a dictionary you would find the word “self-masochist”. 

            He offered her his arm and she took it before they walked up to the venue.  It was one of those budget banquet halls with cookie-cutter grandeur that looked like it hadn’t been updated since the early 2000’s. 

            “I’ll admit, this was not entirely what I was expecting,” Peter said.

            “We’re banned from all the nicer places in the area.”

            “Wait, seriously?”

            Lara Jean nodded.  “Apparently some earlier classes were very rowdy.  I heard rumors of someone having sex under a catering table.”

            “You law students go hard.”

            “We have a lot of pent up stress to let out.”

            It was so easy between them and Lara Jean felt herself relax.  They could do this tonight.  She gazed up at him and found herself wondering if they could move beyond tonight, too.  She spent so much of her time rationalizing why she and Peter could not be together that she never spent a significant amount of time actually imaging what the two of them being together would be like.  She was suddenly struck by images of them cuddling on the couch.  Holding hands in the elevator.  Sharing milkshakes.

            “Uh, Covey?”

            She realized she had stared at him for probably an uncomfortable amount of time and quickly said, “Let’s get a drink.”

            She found her friends over by the bar, and they all said nice things about the other girls' dresses as they hugged and said some version of how they couldn’t believe it was their last law prom. 

            “I’m going to miss it here,” Ashley said, actually tearing up.  “And all of you.  Promise me that we’ll all stay friends.”

            “I think by this point you’re stuck with us,” her friend, Penny, said. 

            “It’s nice to see you again, Peter,” Ashley said, wiping at her eye carefully as to not smudge her eye makeup.  “We were all excited when Lara Jean said you’d be here.”

            “It’s nice to see you guys, too” Peter said. “I didn’t know that law school had dances.  That’s sort of cool.”

            “Most of us dress like we’re near homeless at the law school.  No time for personal hygiene.  So, it’s nice to see everyone cleaned up!”

            Peter nodded stiffly, thinking to himself that Lara Jean always seemed properly showered and said, “Yeah, sure.”

            “Okay, you guys get your drinks,” Penny said. “I requested _Shake It Off_ , and you know I need you for that, Lara Jean.”

            The group headed off into the main room and Peter excitedly asked, “Does that mean what I think it means?”

            “Don’t get too excited,” Lara Jean said.  “I barely remember the moves.”

            They shuffled closer to the bar as the crowd in front of them thinned.  “I don’t believe you.  I know you have a good memory, Covey.  You remember every move.”

            She didn’t answer and he said, “I should take a video and send it to Chris.”

            “You’re enjoying this too much.”

            They stepped up to the bar and Peter read over the drink menu.  However, before he could order, Lara Jean leaned forward and ordered a bottle of Andre champagne to share.  He gave her a questioning look and she said, “It’s the law prom way, Peter.  Besides, it’s the fiscally responsible order.  One bottle lasts you the whole night and is only ten dollars.”

            “I feel like you’ve blocked out the Andre hangover that comes from that.”

            “It’s only one bottle.  That’s, what, two glasses each?”

            “I think it’s more like two and a half,” Peter said.  “But, if that’s what you want I’m game.  After all, it is the law prom way.”

            Lara Jean grinned and went to pull her wallet out of her clutch when Peter stopped her and paid for the champagne, plus a little extra for tip.  She read into it just a little bit, but then he said, “You paid for my ticket, remember?”

            “Oh, right.”

            He grabbed two plastic cups, and as they walked back into the main room, Lara Jean started thinking, which at a time like this was never a good thing.  Maybe they were all wrong.  Man-bun. Chris.  Peter was a nice guy and many nice guy qualities could be misconstrued. He bought their drink because she paid for his ticket.  Maybe everything else was similarly quid pro quo.

            He poured her a glass of champagne and handed it to her.  She looked down at the bubbles as he poured himself a glass.  They mirrored the fluttering in her chest.  He raised his glass and said, “To endings and new beginnings.”

            She didn’t know what that meant.  In fact, she didn’t know what anything meant anymore, but his eyes danced over his cup and an undeniable warmth spread through her. She didn’t understand anything, but she decided in that moment that she didn’t need to.  She could just enjoy the toast.  Enjoy him.  She’d worry about everything else tomorrow.

            “Cheers.”

* * *

            They were halfway through the champagne bottle, and Lara Jean had a pleasant buzzing in her head.  Everything was more beautiful.  Every interaction more entertaining.  Her and Peter were holding a meandering conversation when a slow song began to play.  He stood and offered her his hand.  A small part of her hesitated, but luckily the rest of her was too charmed by the evening to care, so she took his hand and followed him to the dance floor.  His arms went around her waist and she tucked herself inside his embrace, resting her head on his chest.  They swayed in time to the music, Lara Jean blissfully unaware of anyone around them.  She closed her eyes and felt the steady beat of his heart against her cheek.

            “Thank you for coming with me tonight,” she said.

            “I’m glad that I’m here.”

            The song playing was _Perfect_ by Ed Sheeran, and the lyrics brought Lara Jean back to when they were kids.  Gen always claimed that she liked Peter first, but that wasn’t true.  Lara Jean liked Peter from the moment they met. Their mothers ran into each other at the local grocery store one afternoon and both of them were there. Lara Jean was always shy when she met new people and she hid behind her mother’s skirt.  She remembered her mom gently tugging her forward and telling her, “Lara Jean, come say hi.”

            Peter was wearing a blue t-shirt with shorts and a Sponge Bob Squarepants bandage on his knee.  She gave him a small wave and he saw her bulky plastic watch and said, “Whoah, is that a Power Rangers watch?  I love the Power Rangers! I think the Red Ranger is the best because he does cool flips.  But I like the Blue Ranger, too.   Who’s your favorite?”

             Like every 90s girl, she told him that she liked the Pink Ranger best, and they got so deep into their Power Rangers conversation that their mothers ended up completing the rest of their shopping together, the two of them talking animatedly behind them.  That night she announced to her older sister, Margot, “I’m in love.”

            And the rest was history, which was rewritten when Gen met Peter a few weeks later in her tree house and announced that he would be her first boyfriend.  Like most things with Gen, Lara Jean folded, thinking that she didn’t have a chance anyway if she had to compete with Gen. 

            It seemed almost impossible that all these years later she was dancing with Peter in a cheap banquet hall.  His thumb brushed languidly against her side in time with the music.  What would have happened if she had just told him how she felt before?  Maybe they would be in this exact spot for real, instead of playing out the next chapter in a fake romance.

            “Peter,” she said softly.

            “Yeah?”

“Remember those letters I wrote in high school?”

            “Yeah.”

            She could practically feel her body vibrating with nerves.  “I wrote one for you, too.”

            “What?”

            “I wrote it right after you and Gen started dating.  But, I never finished it so I just put it in my desk.  That’s why it wasn’t sent with the rest.”

             He looked down at her, face guarded, and asked, “Why didn’t you finish it?”

            For a moment, she was distracted by his face. God, he had a beautiful face.

            “I don’t know.  I always wrote those letters as a good bye.  It closed a chapter.  I guess…” she trailed off, her heart beating so quickly in her chest that she swore she felt it in her temples, “I wasn’t entirely ready to close ours.”  

            She didn’t know how she was so brave to keep looking at his face.  She had all but admitted her feelings, and as he went to speak the song ended and the beginning notes of _Shake It Off_ played.  Before he could speak, Penny took a hold of Lara Jean’s arm and dragged her away.

            “Duty calls!”  Penny called back to Peter over her shoulder.  Lara Jean looked back, watching Peter’s confused expression settle into the most brilliant smile.  She wanted to run back to him, but Penny was right, duty called.  She remembered every dance move, shaking her hips with abandon and having the best time of her life.  She wanted to remember every single moment of this night.  The exhilaration of being with her friends, laughing so hard that her cheeks hurt.  Peter watching from the crowd, looking at her the way every woman wants to be looked at. 

            When the song ended, she walked directly to him and threw her arms around his neck.  She didn’t know who kissed who first, but anyone watching would confidently say they met in the middle.  His hands came up to frame her face, thumbs tracing the curve of her cheek as he deepened the kiss.  After a moment, she pulled away and softly murmured, “Hi.”

            His grin was so wide it looked like it hurt. “Hi.”

* * *

             Looking back, Lara Jean would remember the absolute serenity she felt in Peter’s arm.  The initial giddiness settled quickly into easy comfort, like she had been in his embrace for years.  Being with him was like second nature.  Everything fit.  As they walked up to their apartment he slid his arm around her shoulders and tucked her into his side.  She threw her arm around his waist and thought to herself that she never wanted to let go.  They got onto the elevator and he pressed her gently against the wall as he kissed her. His mouth was warm and familiar. She never expected the night to turn out like this.  It was almost too perfect. 

            Which is why she should not have been surprised when they got off the elevator, hand in hand, and Gen was standing at their doorway. Gen had clearly been crying, her face red and blotchy.  Gen looked at their interlaced hands, but didn’t comment on it.  Lara Jean expected Peter to drop her hand.  He didn’t.

            “Gen, what are you doing here?” he asked.

            “I need to talk to you.”

            “Come on, Gen.  Let’s not do this.”

            “No, Peter.  I really need to talk to you.  _Please_.” 

            Gen’s voice was panicky, and Lara Jean felt an uncomfortable prickling sensation in her chest.  Peter sighed and said, “Fine.  We can talk.”

            “I’ll be inside,” Lara Jean said.  She walked past Gen and noticed the tight grip that she had on the strap of her bag.  Her knuckles were white. 

            Lara Jean unlocked the door and walked inside, closing it softly behind her.  Chris was sitting on the couch watching TV and asked, “Where’s your fake boyfriend?”

            “Outside with Gen.”

            “What?”

            “She was waiting for him outside when we got back.”

            Chris rolled her eyes and said, “If he gets back together with her I’m evicting him.”

            Lara Jean nodded silently and walked over to the kitchen for a glass of water.  There was something about Gen that bothered her.  She wasn’t entirely surprised that she was trying to get back together with Peter, but there was something off about her demeanor.  Gen led with confidence, but when Lara Jean saw her at their doorway the first thing she noted was insecurity. 

            About fifteen minutes later, Peter walked into the apartment.  She looked at him expectantly, and felt her stomach drop when she saw the drawn expression on his face. 

            “Can we go for a walk?” he asked.

            She nodded stiffly, Chris watching them with concern as they left the apartment.  Peter didn’t talk for a while.  She wanted to reach out and touch him, but didn’t know if that was okay anymore. Something had changed in those fifteen minutes.

            “Peter,” she prompted softly.

            “Gen’s pregnant.”

            Lara Jean stopped walking.  It wasn’t what she expected, but made perfect sense.  It explained Gen’s odd behavior.  The fidgety way she looked at them when they arrived together.  She looked over at Peter and his eyes searched her own, for what she didn’t know. 

            “Is she sure?  Sometimes those tests can have false positives.”

            “I didn’t ask about false positives,” he said. “But, um, I’m pretty sure she’s sure.”

            Lara Jean nodded, pressing her lips together to keep herself from crying.  Because she knew what came next.  Peter was a nice guy, which meant he would do the right thing.

            “So, when are you moving out?”

            His eyes widened slightly.  “How did you-“

            “Because I know you, Peter.”

            He nodded sharply, and looked to the side. She saw the tightness of his jaw, and his voice was thick when he said, “I’m so sorry, Lara Jean.”

            “It’s okay,” she said.  Which, of course, it wasn’t, but what else was she supposed to say? 

            “After what happened with my dad, I can’t do that to my own kid.  I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.”

            Peter’s dad left when he was young, and it was a void in his life that had never quite been filled.  Lara Jean knew how much it affected him and the ripple effects that extended far beyond the childhood disappointment.   Despite everything that happened, she wanted to comfort him.  But if she touched him now she wouldn’t be able to bear the fact that she wouldn’t be able to touch him again.

            “I’m going to stay there tonight and then pick up my things tomorrow.”

            “Okay.”

            He kept looking just to the side of her when he spoke, but now he looked directly at her, pain spreading through her when she saw the same hopelessness mirrored in his eyes.  “I need you to know that tonight…”

            He couldn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t need to.

            “We’ll always have Carbolic,” she said.  It was a horrible joke, but she didn’t know what else to say.  Her heart was breaking, and she needed to distract herself from it.  Distract him.

            He laughed, but the sound caught in his throat. They both were holding on by a thread, unwilling to break down in front of the other, because they knew it would hurt too much.

            “Do you want me to walk you back?” Peter asked.

            “No, I’m fine.”

            “Okay.”

            He moved in to hug her, but then stopped himself. “So, I guess this is goodbye for now.”

            “Yeah, for now.”  She took a deep breath and said, “Good bye, Peter.”

            She turned around before he could say goodbye, not sure that she would be able to hear that without crying.   She made it all the way to her apartment before she broke. Chris wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her back as murmured, “It’s going to be okay.”

            “No, it’s not.  It’s over.  It’s all over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't flame me! There will be a happy ending. Just, you know, not yet. 
> 
> Quick note - law school prom is a real thing. It happens before finals, though. The sex under a catering table and being banned from all the nice banquet halls is ALSO real. Law school is a trip, guys.


	8. Chapter 8

_**One Year Later** _

            “So, there I am in the middle of the deposition, and the fire alarm goes off.  I say that we should leave, but the doctor we’re deposing goes – I think it’s just a drill, we can keep going.  Which, you know, feels like the wrong thing to do.  But, I was getting really good testimony from him, so we close the door and keep going.  About ten minutes later, a firefighter comes and tells us we have to leave.  Turns out it wasn’t a drill and we all got a lecture about fire safety.”

            “I like how your doctor basically advised you to ignore a fire alarm,” Lara Jean’s coworker, Andy, said.  “That is horrible advice.”

            “I just think he wanted the deposition to end. He seemed pretty annoyed to be there.”

            “Yeah, but is possible death worth it?  What if he went to hell for keeping you guys there, and hell was just an endless deposition?”

            Lara Jean considered that for a moment and said, “I don’t think he thought it through that far.”

            “So, what are you doing for lunch?  A bunch of us are going to Petro’s.”

            “I’m slammed here so I’m just going to grab a sandwich across the street.  Do you think you could grab me a cup of their lemon chicken rice soup, though?  I’m probably going to be here past dinner, so I can eat it then.”

            “Yeah, sure.  But, you know Dimitri is going to be upset that you’re not there yourself to order it.”

            Lara Jean grinned and said, “Tell him I promise to stop in later this week.”

            After years of trying, Lara Jean had finally become a regular somewhere.  Petro’s was an old Greek diner a few blocks from the office that she discovered when she was a summer associate.  Once she started working after graduation, she stopped there often for lunch, sometimes even picking up breakfast, too, on her way into work.  Over time, she became friendly with the owner, Dimitri.  She admired his work ethic and Reuben sandwich. He admired her appetite, often adding a free slice of pie and beaming when he picked up the empty plate. 

            Thinking of pie, she quickly added, “Can you get me a slice of apple pie, too?”

            “How can you work after eating all of that?”

            “I think it has to do with my parents rewarding studying with a snack.”

            “Fair enough.  Soup.  Pie. Anything else?”

            He was clearly making fun of her, and she gave him a hard look before she said, “No, nothing else.  Besides, if I get hungry I’ll just raid Maria’s candy stash.”

            “You know she only lets you do that because you replace it with nicer candy.”

            “I know.  Okay, I need to get my sandwich.  I’m starving.  Enjoy your lunch!”

            Lara Jean fished her wallet out of her bag and headed out of the office.  There were a few options for sandwiches, and she was thinking through the best choice when she heard someone say her name.  She turned around, stunned to find Peter Kavinsky walking toward her on the sidewalk. 

She hadn’t seen him in nearly a year.  After he moved out they attempted to maintain a casual friendship, but it didn’t work.  She heard that Gen gave birth a few months back.  It was a baby girl and Gen named the baby after herself.  Naturally.  Lara Jean looked down at his left hand and saw that there was no ring. 

“Peter, what are you doing down here?”

Last she knew, he was still working at his company across town. 

“My office moved buildings,” he said.  He gestured to the building behind her, which happened to be hers, and said, “We’re on the 25thfloor.”

She was on the 28thfloor, which meant they were in the same elevator bank.  Wonderful.

“Looks like we share an office building,” Lara Jean said, rocking a bit on her heels.  She knew that he would recognize it as a nervous tick, and stopped.

Peter’s eyes widened. “Your office is _here_?”

“Yep.”

He rubbed the back of his neck.  A nervous tick that she remembered from when they lived together. “Wow.  Small world, huh?”

“Yes, it is.  Anyway, um, I’m going to grab lunch and –“

“Me too,” he said.  “Would you want to grab something together?  Catch up, maybe?  There’s this really great Greek diner nearby.”

“Petro’s,” she said, smiling softly. 

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“It’s my favorite place for lunch.  I’m actually a regular there.”

“You finally did it,” he said, his voice perhaps too proud for the subject, but she happened to share the sentiment.

“Yes, I did.  But, I was actually planning on just grabbing a quick sandwich.”

She really needed to get going on her work, and she didn’t want to run into her co-workers with Peter.  He looked disappointed, and before she could stop herself she said, “You can come with if you want.”

He brightened and said, “Yeah, sure.  Thanks.”

They ended up eating their sandwiches together at a nearby Corner Bakery.   They covered the basic small talk topics. Work.  Friends.  After a thrilling rundown of the week’s weather, Lara Jean tentatively asked, “How’s Gen?  I heard you guys had a baby girl.  Congratulations.”

“Congratulations really aren’t owed to me,” Peter said. She didn’t understand, and then he said, “When the baby was born, it became pretty clear that she wasn’t mine.”

Lara Jean stared at him, unable to formulate a proper response.  Things like this didn’t happen in her world, except in books and movies. 

“Gen admitted that she slept with someone else when we were together.  Apparently, she was jealous of how I was around you.  She said it only happened once, but you know what they say.  It only takes one time.”

“Peter, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s for the best,” he said.  “I didn’t love her.  I don’t know if I ever really did.”

Lara Jean nodded, avoiding his gaze as she wondered if he ever loved anyone else.  He cleared his throat and asked, “So, are you seeing anyone?”

She knew this question was coming, but it still made her uncomfortable.  “Yeah, I am.”

“That’s great,” he said, and she almost believed him.

“His name’s Michael.  He works in another one of my firm’s practice groups.”

“I was always nervous to date someone I work with,” Peter said.  From someone else it would have sounded like a jab, but she knew that it wasn’t coming from him.

“You know, I was worried about that, too.  But we work on different floors, so it’s almost like we’re at separate firms.  What about you?”

He shook his head.  “I’ve dated, but no one’s really stuck.”

She wanted to tell him that he would find someone, but the words lodged in her throat.  She settled with, “Dating is difficult.” 

“Well, I’m glad that things are going well for you.  You deserve that, Covey.”

 “Thank you. I’m definitely in a good place.”

“So, you’re happy?”

The question took her by surprise.  Was anyone entirely happy?  She always thought of it like aiming for an A+ on a test, and acknowledging that you would likely settle for the A.  You adjusted your expectations.  She couldn’t remember a time when she was truly happy.  Maybe once.  Swaying on a dance floor with a cheap champagne buzz.

“I’m happy enough,” she finally said.

He smiled then, the gesture just a touch melancholy, and said, “Me too.”  

* * *

            That evening, Lara Jean went into her closet and pulled out the old teal hat box.  She mostly used it for odds and ends now, but she fished out two letters from the bottom.  Both of them were addressed to Peter.  The older envelope was yellowed slightly with time.  Her writing was boxier, the dot above the “i” in Kavinsky a small circle. The second envelope was from only a year ago.  She pulled the letter out and smoothed the center crease.

  _Dear Peter,_

_Growing up, I always thought of you as Gen’s.  I realize now that I was wrong.  It was my own shortsightedness that kept me from seeing you for yourself. And for not recognizing my own feelings sooner._

_Tonight, I felt the highest highs and the lowest lows.  You were part of them both, but I want to remember the highs.  I want to remember the way it felt when you kissed me.  The hesitation on your face when you thought that I was telling you that I liked you, but you weren’t sure.  And then the absolute joy when you realized that I did._

_I want to remember the admiration and affection in your eyes when you watched me do that stupid dance to Shake it Off.  In any other moment, I would have been self-conscious, but just for a second I saw myself through your eyes._

_I don’t blame you for going back to Gen.  You’ve never done anything halfway, so how could I expect you to handle this any differently?  The only thing I regret is that we didn’t have more time.  Although, I’m not sure if any amount of time would have been enough. Not when it needed to end._

_I think I might love you.  As I write this, I’m realizing that I’ve never actually been in love before, so I don’t know how to know if you are.  Maybe we needed more time together for it to crystalize.  Or maybe I do know, but I’m afraid to admit it.  Either way, it’s over now._

_Thank you for giving me one perfect night, Peter.  I’ll remember it, and you, forever._

_Love,_

_Lara Jean_

            The letters were supposed to put a bookend on a relationship.  Those feelings were sealed up in the envelope with the letter, and she moved on with her life.  Except, it didn’t work this time.  It turned out real feelings couldn’t be tidily sealed up in an envelope. 

            Lara Jean sat on the floor and leaned against her bed.  She grabbed her phone and dialed Chris’ number.  Chris moved into her boyfriend’s apartment a few months back, but she and Lara Jean stayed in contact with frequent phone calls.

            Chris answered with, “Hey.  Do you think I should dye my hair purple?  Just the ends.  I saw it in a magazine, and it looks sort of cool.”

            “Definitely no.  You’ll regret it after the initial shock wears off.”

            “Good point.  See, this is why I need you in my life.  So, what’s up?”

            “I ran into Peter today.”

            “What?  Are you okay?”

            Lara Jean stretched her legs out in front of her. “Yeah.  He’s not with Gen anymore.  Apparently, the baby wasn’t his.”

            “WHAT?  How did I not hear about it?  My family sucks at gossip.”

            “He also now works in my building.  We’re in the same elevator bank.”      

            “Wow, okay.  So, you’ll be seeing more of him.”

            “It seems that way,” Lara Jean said.  “It was weird to be around him again.  I kept feeling so confused.”

            “I think that’s to be expected.  You guys had a pretty epic romance.”

            “We dated for two hours, tops.”

            “It’s not always about the length of time together,” Chris said reasonably.  “One of my most passionate romances was with a guy I met at an EDM concert.  We hooked up in a porta potty.”  Chris sighed wistfully.  “Sometimes I wonder where he is.”

            “I just can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if he knew earlier that Gen’s baby wasn’t his.”

            “Well, I think we both know what would have happened,” Chris said simply.  “You’d be together.”

            “You think so?”

            “Yeah, absolutely.”

            That didn’t exactly make Lara Jean feel better, and she said, “I’m going to go.  I’ll talk to you later.”

            “Are you sure you’re okay?”

            “Yeah, I’m fine.  Night, Chris.”

            Lara Jean hung up the phone and got ready for bed. She climbed under the covers and stared up at her ceiling, wide awake as she thought about her lunch with Peter. They never had good timing.  When they were younger, she wasn’t ready.   When she finally was ready, Gen became pregnant. Now, they found their way back to each other after weathering all the prior obstacles and misunderstandings, and she had someone else.  Michael was very different than Peter, but he was a good man and she cared about him.  Maybe all of the misconnections were a sign that they were never meant to be together in the first place.  She turned on her side and picked up her phone to check the time. She saw she had an email and put in her passcode to see which partner needed what done.   

            She noticed an unread text message and tapped on the message icon.  There was a message hour earlier from Peter.  She must have missed it amongst all of her other notifications. 

_It was great seeing you this afternoon._

_Would you want to grab lunch the same time next week?_

 Lara Jean knew what she should send back.  Work is really busy.  My schedule is slammed.  I’ll let you know closer to then.  All polite rebuffs that communicated a no with kidskin gloves.  Those were the only appropriate responses, because maybe they weren’t meant to be together, but it didn’t stop her from wanting it.  Deep down.  Even if she wouldn’t readily admit it.  Even with a boyfriend.  But, of course, that was not what she sent. 

_Lunch sounds great._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all get a chapter now because I won't be able to write for a few days. Enjoy!!

             Lara Jean and Peter had a standing lunch date. Every Wednesday they met for lunch, dissecting the happenings of the week and filling each other in on any seminal events.  Initially they went to different places each week, but then settled on Petro’s, sitting in the same corner booth each week.  She heard about Jennifer about a month into their lunches.  She teased Peter lightly about having a type, but from what she heard Jennifer was very different from her predecessor.  A few weeks later, she told Peter about her and Michael’s six-month anniversary.  They did the impossible and worked their way into a functional friendship.  It still was a bit uncomfortable to hear him talk about Jennifer, and she noticed that he only asked about Michael when she brought him up, but they made it work.

            “Wait, so how do you two know each other again?” her co-worker, Andy, asked.  He stopped into Petro’s that Wednesday afternoon for lunch and walked over to say hello when he saw them.  After a quick look with Peter to make sure he didn’t mind, Lara Jean invited Andy to join them.

            “It’s sort of a two-part answer,” Lara Jean said. “We grew up together.  But, we became friends when we lived together last year.”

            “How’d you end up living together?”

            “My ex was her roommate’s cousin,” Peter said.

            “Small world,” Andy said.

            “We all grew up together,” Lara Jean said by way of explanation.  “My old roommate, Chris, has been my best friend since we were kids.”

            “I’m in touch with literally no friends from my childhood,” Andy said.  “I feel like I did my childhood wrong.”

            Lara Jean laughed and assured him, “I’m only really in touch with Chris and Peter.”

            “So, you work with Lara Jean, right?”  Peter asked Andy.  Lara Jean looked between the two men.  It was odd to see the two parts of her life colliding, but they seemed to get along well.  She realized as they talked that Andy was very similar to Peter.  They had the same sense of humor and sometimes boyish demeanor. 

            “Yeah, she’s my work wife.”

            “Which makes you her work husband?” Peter asked, looking over for Lara Jean for confirmation.  She nodded gamely and he asked, “Wouldn’t your boyfriend be your work husband?”

            “Nope,” Andy said resolutely.  “I met her first.”

            “Michael is very understanding,” Lara Jean said.

            “Who’s his work wife?”  Andy asked.

            “Miranda Nickels,” Lara Jean returned immediately. “She’s the associate who eats all the shrimp at work events.”

            Andy nodded with recognition and said, “Imagine if we all had Miranda Nickels’ fearlessness.  The world would be a better place.  So, Peter, what do you do?”

            “I work at a staffing firm,” Peter said. “ConnectPro?”

            “His office just moved onto the 25th floor,” Lara Jean said.  “Isn’t financial services on that floor?”

            “Yes!”  Andy was momentarily distracted and his face grew serious before he said, “Peter, I feel like I need to share something with you.  I’ve heard that the women from your office don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.”

            “Wait, what?”

            “I’m good friends with a lot of the women at financial services.  It was the talk of the office after you guys moved in.  They considered printing a sign reminding people to wash their hands, but they were concerned it would be construed as legal advice.”

            Lara Jean snorted, and Peter murmured, “We have so much communal food in the kitchen.”

            “Yeah, I’d proceed with caution.”

             “I’m never eating the office donuts again.”

            After lunch, they all headed back to the office, Peter getting off at the 25th floor and Lara Jean and Andy going up to the 28th.  Andy followed Lara Jean to her office and immediately closed the door.  Lara Jean looked back at him with confusion and asked, “What are you doing?“

            “You and Peter dated, didn’t you?”

            She looked at him with surprise and said, “What? How did you know?  You spent forty minutes with us.”

            “Yeah.  You’re that obvious.”

            Lara Jean sighed.  “We didn’t really date.  We almost dated.  It’s a long story.”

            “I don’t have a call until 2.  And frankly, I hate that client, so I don’t mind making them wait a few minutes.”

            “I have work to do,” Lara Jean said stubbornly.

            “Don’t even try that on me.  I know you billed over 200 hours last month.”

            Lara Jean knew there was little use in trying to push Andy out of her office.  Even if she succeeded, he would just come back like the world’s most endearing weed. She told him almost the whole story, leaving out the letters because she wanted to maintain a façade of some semblance of sanity with her coworkers.   When she was finished, Andy just stood across from her with a stunned look on his face.

            “That really was a long story.”

            “I told you.”

            “Does Michael know?”

            Lara Jean nodded.  “Yes.”

            “Does he know that you and Peter are getting lunch together?”

            “Also yes.”

             “And it doesn’t bother him?”

            Lara Jean shrugged.  “Why should it?”

            “I feel like we weren’t at the same lunch.”

* * *

             The next week, lunch was only Lara Jean and Peter again. Afterwards they made their usual walk back to the office, talking about everything and nothing.  When they stopped at a corner, a flashing orange hand warning them not to approach, Peter casually asked, “Would you and Michael want to go on a double date with me and Jennifer?”

            “A double date?”  Lara Jean asked, hoping her voice sounded more normal to his ears than it did to hers. 

            “Yeah, I know it’s sort of weird.”  Apparently, she had not succeeded in sounding normal. “But, I’ve mentioned you to Jennifer a few times and she really wants to meet you.  I feel like this would be the easiest way.”

            “Um, yeah.  I guess it would be.”

            Peter sensed her hesitation and said, “We don’t have to if you really don’t want to.  I know it’s a weird situation.  I don’t know what you’ve told Michael and-“

            “He knows about us,” Lara Jean said.

            “He does?”  Peter asked, clearly surprised.

            “Yeah.  I told him when we started having lunches together.”

            Peter nodded and the light turned green.  They walked across the street, and Lara Jean wondered what, if anything, he told Jennifer.  She wanted to ask him, but it really wasn’t any of her business. Instead, when they approached their building she said, “I think a double date is a good idea.  Just let us know when you guys are free.”

            They were free that weekend, which was how Lara Jean ended up in a cab to downtown Charlottesville with Michael, the latter looking over at her every few minutes as she sat in silence.  After about ten minutes, Michael knocked his elbow against hers.  She looked over at him and he was holding up a penny.

            “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked innocently. 

            She smiled slightly and took the penny from him. He was so dorky, and it was one of the things she liked most about him.  The coin was cold in her palm and she curled her fingers around it.

“I’m not the biggest fan of double dates.  They always make me sort of anxious.”

            That was partially true.  The mixing of couples always held the possibility for awkwardness.   However, the real root of her concern was what would happen when Michael saw her and Peter together, especially after what Andy said.  She had memories of man-bun breaking up with her over Peter.  She didn’t want that to happen again.

            “These are your friends, right?”  Michael said pragmatically.

            “Peter is.  I’ve never met his girlfriend.”

            “Well, it’s half your friends.  Which means there’s at least a 50% chance it’ll be fine.” She smiled a bit and he added, “If it’s not, I’ll make a distraction and we’ll run for it.”

            She gave him a soft kiss and said, “Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome.”

            The cab parked outside the restaurant and Michael climbed out first, offering his hand to Lara Jean as she joined him on the sidewalk.  She tugged the skirt of her dress down and then took his hand again, following him into the restaurant.  They were a few minutes late from traffic, and Peter and Jennifer were already at the table.  They walked forward, Lara Jean feeling a sense of calm descend.  She could do this.   _They_ could do this.

            She caught Peter’s eye and gave him a small wave.  Michael suddenly stopped walking and she looked over at him with confusion.  “Everything okay?”

            “The person who just waved at you, is that the couple we’re joining?”

            Lara Jean nodded, not understanding his sudden hesitation.  “Yeah, why?”

             Michael’s gaze was still on the table, but he tore his gaze away and looked down at her. She was surprised by the bewildered expression on his face.  “So, you probably should know that the woman at that table was my college girlfriend.”

            “What?”

            Her voice was loud enough that they drew some looks from the nearby table.

            “It looks like we’re both dining with ex’s tonight.”

Before she could say more, Michael walked forward and she trailed behind him.  Jennifer’s face registered pleasant surprise when she saw Michael, and she breathed out, “What are the odds!”

            The old college pair laughed, Jennifer standing up and giving Michael a tight hug.  Lara Jean stood awkwardly to the side, Peter watching the exchange with some confusion.  “I’m sorry, how do you two know each other?”

            “Michael and I dated all through college,” Jennifer said.  “Gosh, what I small world, right?”

            “Yeah,” Peter said, looking over at Lara Jean who was similarly stricken.  “The smallest.”

            “Anyway, Peter, this is my boyfriend Michael,” Lara Jean said, sitting down opposite Peter.  Michael leaned forward and shook Peter’s hand heartily.

            “It’s great to meet you,” Michael said.

            Peter slid his arm around Jennifer’s shoulders and said, “Lara Jean, this is my girlfriend Jennifer.”

            “I’ve heard so much about you,” Jennifer said pleasantly.  “It’s nice to put a face with the name.”  She looked over at Michael and said, “I still cannot believe that you are here.”

            “Me neither,” Michael said.  Both seemed to revel in the serendipity for a moment, Peter and Lara Jean watching on with some discomfort, and then Michael asked, “So, how did you two meet?”

            Jennifer’s face brightened.  “Oh, well, remember that one Italian restaurant we used to go to?”

            “Luigi’s,” Michael said, nodding along.

            “Peter and I were both there waiting for carry out. As we left, we realized that they mixed up our orders.  We got to talking and actually ended up eating together at a picnic bench over by the park on Maple and Walnut.  We hit it off and the rest is history.”

            Peter and Jennifer exchange an affectionate look and Michael gave Lara Jean’s knee a squeeze under the table.  She gave him a small smile.  Maybe they could make this work, after all.

            “What about you guys?”  Jennifer asked.

            “Our story isn’t nearly as cute,” Lara Jean said.

            “That’s not true,” Michael said.  “Our firm does a mock trial every year.  We were on opposing sides.  After Lara Jean gave one of the best opening statements I have ever seen, I knew I had to get to know her better.”

            Lara Jean smirked and said, “If I remember correctly, you attacked basically every sentence of that opening statement during yours.”

            “I was doing my job!”

            “I can just imagine you two duking it out in court,” Jennifer said.  “That had to be something to see.” 

            “So, who won?”  Peter asked.

            Lara Jean grinned wide while Michael reluctantly admitted, “It was a close call.”

* * *

            Throughout dinner, the couples chatted amicably, one half of the table hitting it off so magnificently that when the waitress came to take their dessert order, she mistook them for a couple. 

            “My girlfriend and I are going to do a brownie ala mode to share,” Michael said.

            The waitress looked at Jennifer and asked, “You two have no nut allergies, right?  The brownie has pecans in it.”

            Jennifer’s cheeks flushed, but instead of correcting her, she simply said, “No allergies.”

            “Okay, perfect,” the waitress said.  She looked over at Lara Jean and Peter.  “What about you two?”

            When the waitress left, Jennifer immediately said, “I am so sorry.  I don’t know why she would think that Michael and I are together.”

            “It’s okay,” Lara Jean said dismissively, although her own feelings on the matter did not quite match her tone.  “She thought Peter and I were together, too.”

            Lara Jean and Peter exchanged a look as Michael said, “Talk about a lapse in judgment.” 

            After dessert and splitting the bill, Michael and Jennifer both excused themselves to use the restroom.  When they were out of ear shot, Peter leaned forward and said, “It’s weird that they dated, isn’t it?”

            “The weirdest,” Lara Jean admitted.  “And when the waitress thought they were together?”

            “I have to admit, I was sort of worried about how we would seem together,” Peter said.  “Gen always said it was like we were dating when we were all out.”

            “Yeah,” Lara Jean said softly, suddenly needing to look anywhere but him.  “Anyway, it seems like we didn’t need to worry after all.”

            Peter laughed lightly and said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.  Michael’s great, by the way.  I can tell he’s a really good guy.”

            “Jennifer’s great, too.”

            Their respective significant others returned to the table, laughing at something neither Peter nor Lara Jean heard.  Michael placed his hands on Lara Jean’s shoulders and said, “Are we ready to call it a night?”

            Across the table, Jennifer bent down and gave Peter a quick kiss.  Lara Jean reached up and covered one of Michael’s hands with her own.  “Yeah.  Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only a few chapters left in this one! 
> 
> Any requests for other future fics? I'm toying with the idea of starting another one of these!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've written! I hope you enjoy!!

Lara Jean settled in for her Friday night.  Popcorn popping away in the microwave.  Wine glass filled to the brim.  All she needed to complete the evening was a Nora Ephron movie, and that was only one Netflix queue away.  The microwave beeped and Lara Jean stood up from the couch, taking a large gulp of wine before she got her popcorn.  The hot air from the bag burned her fingertips, and she swore under her breath as she dropped it down onto the couch.

            She queued up _You’ve Got Mail_ , when there was a knock on her door.  Lara Jean paused the movie and answered the door.  She found Chris, who had clearly been crying.  She held a large handle of vodka to her chest and said, “Nick broke up with me, so can we get drunk?”

            “Oh my God, Chris, come in.”

            Lara Jean pulled her friend into the apartment and enveloped her into a tight tug.  Chris never was the typical relationship girl, but things had been different with Nick. She talked about long-term plans and posted typical couple photographs online.  It was the sort of behavior Chris mocked in other people.  Lara Jean thought Nick had been good for Chris. She definitely did not see this coming.

            “He said we were moving too fast,” Chris said, opening the handle of vodka.  Lara Jean hurried to the kitchen to retrieve a glass, but Chris just took a swig from the bottle.  “Which is total bullshit.  He’s the one that wanted to move in together.  Not me.”

            “I know, I remember.”

            Chris had been hesitant to move out of her and Lara Jean’s apartment, but Lara Jean encouraged her to take the leap of faith. Now, she wondered if she had given bad advice.

            “And the thing that sucks is that I liked him.  No – I _loved_ him.  Shit, LJ. I loved him.  And you know that’s not me.”

            “I’m so sorry, Chris.”

            Chris took another swig of vodka.  “The worst part is that I miss him.  How fucked up is that?  He broke up with me, and I miss him.”

            “It can be a confusing time,” Lara Jean said. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

            Chris leaned her head back on the couch and said, “Tell me a story.”

            “What?”

            “I need something to distract me,” she said, hitting her hand agitatedly against the couch cushion. 

            “Okay, okay, um…”

“Are you and Peter still going on those weird double dates?” Chris asked, finding her own story topic.

            Lara Jean nodded.  “Yeah, we have one tomorrow night.”

            “You do realize that it’s abnormal for everyone on a double date to have dated each other, right?”

            “I’m pretty sure Peter and Michael have never dated,” Lara Jean said.

            “You know what I mean.”

            “I know it’s weird, but it works.  It almost makes the Peter and me denominator not matter.”

            “I want to witness one of these dates,” Chris said after a moment.  “Just so I can tell you how wrong you are.”

            “We’ve both moved on.  Peter actually just told me that him and Jennifer are thinking of moving in together.”

            “Seriously?  Haven’t they been dating for, like, two minutes?”

            “It’s been a few months.  And, apparently her apartment is getting renovated or something, so it would only be temporary.”

“Still.  Anyway, how are you taking that?”

            “Fine,” Lara Jean said immediately.  “We’re friends.  And, as his friend, I’m happy for him.”

            “What about as the girl who almost dated him?”

            Lara Jean frowned, and after a handful of popcorn, admitted, “She’s taking it a little bit less well.”

            Lara Jean learned over the years that while she could lie to many people, including herself, she couldn’t to Chris.

            “Okay.  Yes. Let’s focus on your romantic troubles.”

            “I don’t have romantic troubles.  I’m in a happy relationship.”  Chris’ face fell, and Lara Jean said, “Sorry.”

            Chris grabbed a pillow and clutched it dramatically to her chest. “It’s fine.  I guess I’ll just die alone, while you have your happy relationship and epic side-love-story.”

            “You are not going to die alone,” Lara Jean said, tugging the pillow away from her and tossing it on the floor.  “You are such a catch.  And one day you’re going to find someone who realizes that and doesn’t take that for granted.”

            “I want Nick.  He’s a fucker.  But I still want him.”

            Lara Jean took a deep breath and stood up. “Okay.  We need to wallow.”

Chris’ eyes widened and she quickly said, “No.  LJ, please –“

            “You know how this goes,” Lara Jean said resolutely. “I already have _You’ve Got Mail_ ready.  We have alcohol.  And I’m pretty sure there’s cookie dough in the freezer.”

            “It’s not that bad!  I swear!”  She grabbed Lara Jean’s arm tightly.  “Please don’t make me watch romantic comedies.”

            “Nothing ever seems as bad to you after you watch a romantic comedy.”

            Chris dropped Lara Jean’s arm.  “It’s annoyingly effective.”

            “Should I grab the cookie dough?”

            Chris sighed.  “Fine.  And a coffee cup.  I’m going to need a lot of vodka to get through this.”

* * *

  _Don’t you love New York in the fall?_

_It makes me want to buy school supplies._

_I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address._

             “I want a man to give me a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils,” Chris slurred.  “Why don’t men give gifts like that?”

            “Because they aren’t in a Nora Ephron movie?”

            “Well, we should just have all men be in a Nora Ephron movie,” Chris said broadly, pouring herself more vodka.  “There.  Problem solved.”

            “I wish people still met this way.  It’s so romantic.”

            “It _is_ romantic.  Letter writing.  Even though it’s electronic.  Hey! Didn’t you do this in high school?”

            “No,” Lara Jean said, drawing the word out like it was several syllables.  She wasn’t near as drunk as Chris, but her head still buzzed from her wine.  “I wrote letters that were never supposed to be seen.  Very different.”

            “But you wrote letters.  I bet they were good.”

            “They were good.  Thank you.”

            Chris was quiet for a moment and then said, “I’m actually sort of moved by this movie.  I’m moved by a romantic comedy.”

            Lara Jean looked at her with alarm.  “This is more serious than I realized.”

            Chris wiped at her eyes.  “I love him, LJ.  Just like Kathleen Kelly will love Joe Fox in approximately two hours.  I really love him.” 

            Lara Jean got an idea.  She stood up and said, “Stay here.”

            She quickly got a notebook from her bedroom and handed it to Chris with a pen.  When her friend looked at her with confusion, she explained, “I never completely told you about those letters.  Everyone said they were love letters.  But that was only partially true.  Mostly, they were goodbyes.  Whenever something ended, I wrote a letter to work out my feelings.  I think that’s what you need to do.”

            “Write him a letter?”

            Lara Jean nodded.  “He won’t see it.  The letter’s just for you.”

            “Does it work?”

            Lara Jean thought about Peter.  “Not always.  But I think he was the exception to the rule.”

            Chris opened up the notebook and stared down at the blank page.  “What do I write?”

            “Whatever you want to tell him.”

As Chris wrote, Lara Jean got an idea.  She went back into her bedroom and retrieved two letters from her hatbox. She picked up her trash bin on the way out, emptying the few errant papers on the floor.  When she got back, Chris was finishing up the letter.  Chris looked over at her hesitantly and said, “I think I might have done it wrong.”

            “There’s no right way.”

            “Okay.  Well, here we go.  Am I supposed to put it in an envelope or something?”

            “I don’t have envelopes, but I think you can just fold it.” 

Chris followed the instruction and then asked, “Why are you holding a trash bin? Are you already drunk-sick?”

“No!  I have an idea.  Put your letter in the bin.”

Chris looked at her oddly but then shrugged and tossed the letter in.  She watched Lara Jean put two letters on top. Chris glanced in and saw Peter’s name on the top envelope.  Before Lara Jean could stop her, she reached in and fished them both out.

“What are these?”

“The first is a letter I wrote Peter in high school.  It didn’t get sent with the others.  And the second, I wrote after the night of law school prom.” Lara Jean took a deep breath and held it for three counts before exhaling.   “I keep saying I’m over him.  That we’re just friends.  But, it’s not true.  Not any of it.  But, it needs to be.  I have to let him go.”

Chris reached over and grabbed Lara Jean’s hand.  She gave it a squeeze.  “We’re going to be okay, kid.”

“Hey, I’m supposed to be making you feel better.  Not the other way around.”

Chris shrugged.  “It’s okay. So, what are we doing with these letters.”

Lara Jean pulled out a drawer from the end table and pulled out a matchbook. “We’re going to burn them.”

Chris’ eyes widened and she breathed out, “You little rebel!”

Stoically, Lara Jean returned, “We will rise from the ashes of our past loves.”

“You should live your entire life on three glasses of wine, LJ.  You’re a fucking genius.”

“So, are you ready?”

Chris hesitated, but then nodded.  “Yes.  I’m ready.”

Lara Jean held out the bin for Chris and she tossed back in Peter’s two letters.  Lara Jean broke off a match and was about to strike it against the book when there was a knock on her door.  She considered going ahead, but then there was another knock.

“You should probably get that,” Chris said.

Lara Jean reluctantly stood from the couch and answered the door.  On the other side, a tall male with a shock of red hair looked anxiously over Lara Jean’s shoulder and called out, “Chris, babe! I am so sorry!”

“Nick?”  Chris said with disbelief.  “What are you doing here?”

“I was such an idiot,” he said, pushing past Lara Jean into the apartment. “You are everything I have ever wanted. I thought that planning a future with you was moving too fast.  But, considering one without you…”

Lara Jean gasped when he dropped down on one knee in front of Chris.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small red box.

“I loved you from the moment you walked up to me at that bar and told me that I was wearing a stupid shirt.”

“You’re too old to wear graphic tees,” Chris said, voice shaking.

“I love you, Chris.  I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”  He opened the box, which unsurprisingly held a ring.  “Will you marry me?”

Chris did not hesitate before launching herself at him as she screeched, “Yes!” 

* * *

             The next day, Lara Jean had an exquisite red wine hangover.  She winced when she remembered the congratulatory vodka shots they took after Chris accepted Nick’s proposal.  It was not her finest night, but Chris had never been happier.  It was pretty remarkable, considering where the night started.

            Lara Jean found herself dreading the double date that night.  She knew that her hangover would be gone, but she would be hit with the overwhelming exhaustion of a person who worked too much and slept too little.  Which was precisely why she was relieved when Michael stopped by her office and said that he needed to cancel.

            “You just made my day,” Lara Jean said.  She reached into the top drawer of her desk and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol.  She shook two pills into her palm and took them with a swig of coffee. “I’m not recovering from last night as well as I normally do.  Maybe I’m getting sick.”

            “Lara Jean, I need to talk to you about something.”

            “Okay.  Talk away.”

            Michael paused for a moment, before he said, “I want to break up.”

            She blinked rapidly and said, “Excuse me, what?”

            “I wanted to be the one to tell you before anyone else…” she stopped listening, her mind drifting to how Chris was broken up with the night before, and now it was her turn.  Although, she didn’t think this particular relationship would resurge with an engagement.  She clued in again when Jennifer’s name came up.  “…we never meant for this to happen.  It’s just that seeing each other again made us remember what we had and realize that those feelings never really went away.”

            “You’re getting back together with Jennifer?”

            Michael nodded.  “Yes.”

            “Is she telling Peter?”  He nodded again.  “When?”

            “Um, it should be right about now.”

            “You coordinated your breakups,” Lara Jean said. “Huh.”

            “I’m really sorry, Lara Jean.   You are an amazing woman and I know you’ll land on your feet.”

            “Sure,” she said distractedly.  She felt like she should be more upset.  Last night, Chris had tears.  Anger.  They had to resort to wallowing.  But all Lara Jean felt was tired. 

            “I hope we can still stay friends.”

            Lara Jean vaguely remembered saying that to someone else years ago.   She nodded and told him, “Yeah, sure.”  There was a long pause.  “Anyway, I really need to get back to work.”

            “Right, of course.”

            It looked like he wanted to say more, but then he turned around and left, closing her door softly behind him.  Again, Lara Jean waited for an emotion.  When she didn’t find one, she decided to deal with it later and get back to work.  An hour or so later, she got a text from Peter.

 

_Can you get a drink tonight?_

            She typed back a response immediately.

  _When and where?_

* * *

           Peter was waiting for her at the bar.  She noticed that a group of women kept looking at him, but they averted their gazes when she sat down next to him.  He looked over at her and said, “I’m guessing you know.”

            “Yeah, he told me.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “Why are you apologizing?” she asked, genuinely confused.

            “I’m the one who pushed the double date.  If I hadn’t done that –“

            “Hey, don’t apologize,” she said.  “If it didn’t happen now it would have eventually.” He didn’t respond and she said, “Besides, we were instrumental in bringing two college sweethearts back together. If this was a Hallmark movie, we’d be the B-list characters who get a few good lines.”

            Peter laughed.  “I’m glad you’re taking it so well.  I was worried.”

            “You were?”

            “Yeah.  You guys seemed so good together.  I just thought…I don’t know.”

            Lara Jean smiled sadly.  “We were good, but there was something missing.  I don’t think I really realized that until he broke up with me.”

            “What was missing?”

            Lara Jean considered his question and then said, “I don’t know.  I just know it wasn’t there.”

            “Yeah, I get that.  It was sort of the same with Jennifer and me.”

            Lara Jean nodded wordlessly.  The bartender came over and took her drink order.  She asked for a gin and tonic, not wishing to recreate her red wine hangover from the night before.   As the bartender began to make her drink, Lara Jean said, “Chris got engaged last night.”

            Peter looked over at her with surprise.  “Seriously?  Good for her.”

            “He broke up with her earlier in the day and then showed up at my apartment and proposed.  It was surreal.”

            “Wow, yeah, it sounds surreal.”

            Lara Jean kept talking, vocalizing something that had been bothering her since that morning.  “And she was so sure when she said yes.  Even though she was crying over him not even four hours earlier.  And I’m sure part of it was all the vodka. There was a lot of vodka.  But that wasn’t all of it.  She was certain in her decision.  In her yes.  I’ve never been that certain about anything.”

            “I have,” he said after a moment.

            She looked over at him.  “You have?  About what?”

            “Not a lot of things,” he back-tracked.  “But, there were times.  People.”

            He held her gaze and he was about to say more when the bartender interrupted with her drink.  She gratefully took it from him, cheeks flushed.  They were dancing dangerously close to something, and she wasn’t entirely sure if she was ready for it. 

He sensed her conflict and changed the topic, leading them down an easy conversation about Chris and whether she’d force any weird food trends on her wedding guests.  Lara Jean was grateful for his sensitivity, that he didn’t push things when he clearly wanted to.  He paid for their drinks and offered to walk her home.  She could feel the energy between them shift and crackle as they walked down the desolate street.  Her feet brought her closer to him, or maybe it was his feet that brought him closer to her. Their arms knocked together, but neither moved.

They stopped in front of her apartment building, a site that had seen so much of their history, and when she looked up at him she could tell that he was nervous.  She was about to speak when he said, “I don’t know if I should say what I’m about to say, but I’m going to.  Because we’ve never had good timing, but right now…I don’t know…it seems like pretty good timing to me.  Or as close as we’re going to get to it.  So, I love you, Lara Jean.  I have for a long time.   And I’m pretty sure you love me, too.”

“Peter…“

“You don’t have to say anything now,” he said.  He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I just needed to tell you while I still had the chance.”

Her mind was reeling.  If she was being honest, this was exactly what she wanted for over a year, but now that it was reality she didn’t quite know what to do with it.  All she could remember was the pain of when he left before.  She never knew that missing someone could physically hurt.  She didn’t know if she could go through that again.

“I need time,” she stammered.  “I-“

“Relax, Covey,” he said, smiling slightly.  “I told you, I don’t need an answer now.  I mean it.”

She nodded, turning toward her building.  She hesitated and looked back, softly telling him, “Good night, Peter.”

The soft expression on his face made her entire body tingle. “Night, Lara Jean.”

She headed up to her apartment and climbed into bed fully clothed.  She pulled the covers up to her chin as she thought about what was missing with Michael.  She lied before when she said she didn’t know what it was.  She did. He wasn’t Peter. 

But, frankly, maybe that had been a good thing.  She never had to worry about truly being hurt, because he never really had a hold on her.  Peter did with a single look.  She still remembered what it was like when he went back to Gen.  It took her months to find herself amongst the mess she became. And that was before they even truly started.  She couldn’t imagine the pain she would feel if they actually built a life together and it didn’t work out.  Could she risk that?  She didn’t know.  Lara Jean turned on her side, Peter’s soft grin the last thing she thought of before she fell into fitful sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Lara Jean woke up slowly, no less confused about what she was going to do about Peter than when she fell asleep the night before.  She stretched in bed, contorting her body until she heard all the right cracks and creaks.  She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, freezing when she heard her television playing in the living room.  She knew she hadn’t left it on the night before, and since she didn’t believe in ghosts, there were few explanations.  Would a burglar really be so dumb as to watch television?  Or maybe it was a crazy murderer, and the TV was just a ploy to draw her out of her bedroom and toward a messy death.

            Then she heard a familiar laugh.

            “Kitty?”

            Lara Jean scrambled off of her bed and into the living room, grinning wide when she saw her younger sister curled up on the couch. She was eating cereal out of a Tupperware.

            “Seriously?  You couldn’t bother yourself to wash a bowl?” 

            “It’s not my fault you run your dishwasher so little.”

            Lara Jean grinned and said, “Well, get over here. Let me hug you!”

            Kitty put the Tupperware on the coffee table and darted over to Lara Jean, giving her a tight hug.  It had been several months since the sisters last saw each other. Kitty was finishing up her third year of medical school, leaving her with almost as little time as Lara Jean for social calls.

            “Why didn’t you tell me that you were visiting?” Lara Jean asked, both of them settling on the couch.  She picked up the Tupperware and ate a spoonful of cereal before handing it back to Kitty.

            “I wanted to surprise you,” Kitty said. “Are you surprised?”

            “Very.  I thought you were a murderer at first.”

            “What murderer would leave the TV on?  I feel like that would thwart the murdering.  If I were a murderer, I’d be completely silent. Like heart disease.”

            Lara Jean reached over and squeezed her sister’s hand.  “I’ve really missed you, Kitty.  And I’m glad you’re here.  Really glad, actually.”

            “I know that tone,” Kitty said leadingly. “What’s going on?”

            “Are you in the mood to give some sisterly advice?”

            “Always.  What’s up?”

            Lara Jean never told Kitty the whole Peter saga, but she knew if there was anyone who would look at the situation objectively, it would be Kitty.  Even when they were kids, she was the more level-headed one, rivaled only by their oldest sister, Margot.

            “Do you remember Peter Kavinsky?” Lara Jean asked.

            Kitty nodded.  “Yeah, didn’t you almost run him over with your car once?”

            “Yes.  Yes, I did. Anyway, remember how he stayed with Chris and me for a few months last year?”  Kitty nodded again.  “Well, things sort of happened between us.  Well, _almost_ happened.  There were complications and things didn’t work out. But now we reconnected, and…”

            “And what?”

            “He told me that he loved me.  He said he thought I loved him, too.”

            “Well, do you?”

            It was such a simple question, and when Lara Jean told Kitty it was anything but, Kitty said, “You have a knack for unnecessarily complicating things, Lara Jean.  It _is_ simple.  It’s literally a yes or no question.”    

            “Yes, but the thoughts behind the yes or no…they’re complicated.  Really complicated.  I mean, how can they not be?”

            “Do you love him?”  Kitty asked again.

            “I told you.  It’s not that simple.  It’s-“

            “It is simple, Lara Jean.  Stop being in your stupid head so much!  Do you love him?  Just answer the question.”

            Stubbornly, Lara Jean returned, “I can’t just answer the question.  I told you that.  I can’t just-“

            “Do you love him?”

            “Kitty-“

            “Do.  You. Love.  Him.”

            “Yes!”  Lara Jean said loudly, her eyes widening the second after she said it.  She covered her mouth with her hand and her pupils moved rapidly as she repeated, “Yes.  Yes.  I love him. Oh my God, Kitty…”

            “Since I helped you get to this realization, does that mean I get to be your maid of honor over Margot?”

            Lara Jean laughed, but then grew serious again as she murmured, “I love him.  Oh God, I love him.”

            “What’s happening?”  Kitty asked, leaning in toward her sister.  “You’re panicking.  Stop it!”

            “Loving people just raises the stakes,” Lara Jean said quickly.  “I was scared enough to try again.  But, now with love?”

            “I am not equipped to handle this,” Kitty said. “Hold on.”

            Lara Jean descended further into her anxious spiral as Kitty grabbed her phone and quickly dialed a number.  She held her phone out in front of her and said, “We have a situation.  It’s Lara Jean.”

            “What’s wrong?”

            Lara Jean looked up with surprise at the voice and said, “You called Margot?”

            “You’re about to throw away an epic romance because you’re scared.  I had to call in reinforcements!”

“Hold on, what about an epic romance?”  Margot asked.

“Remember Peter Kavinsky?”

“Yes.”

“Well, he loves Lara Jean.  Lara Jean loves him.  But she has her head up her butt.”

“Hey!”  Lara Jean said unhappily.  “I hardly think that’s fair.”

“Hand the phone over to her, please,” Margot said in a measured voice.  Kitty handed the phone to Lara Jean, and the latter felt the full force of her older sister’s calculating gaze.  “Why do you have your head up your butt?”

“I don’t really think I’d characterize it that way,” she said, shooting Kitty a look, who blithely ignored it.  “But, I don’t know.  I guess I’m scared.  We have history, and I know what it feels like to be hurt by him.  Even when it’s the last thing he wanted to do.  And I guess…I guess I don’t want to feel that way again.”

“You can’t live your life afraid of getting hurt, Lara Jean. It’s part of life.  And even if you do get hurt, that doesn’t negate all the good that came before.  Do you think Dad would give up the years he had with Mom, just because he had to be hurt in the end?”

Lara Jean shook her head.  “No.  He wouldn’t.”

“If you really love him, you owe it to yourself to see where it goes.”

Lara Jean hated to admit it, but her sisters were making a lot of sense.  She still had her reservations, but maybe that was normal.  She thought of Peter and the tender way he looked at her the night before.  The feel of his fingertips brushing against her cheek when he tucked her hair behind her ear.  Could she really deny herself more of those moments on the basis of fear?

“I miss us all being together like this,” Lara Jean said.

“You know I’m only a phone call away,” Margot said warmly. Her gaze shifted behind Lara Jean, where Kitty had scampered over to during their exchange, and she asked, “Hold on, why is Kitty eating cereal out of a Tupperware?”

“We are not getting into that,” Lara Jean said resolutely, as Kitty replied, “Lara Jean’s lacking housekeeping skills.”

* * *

 

         “So, when are you going to tell him?”  Kitty asked Lara Jean later that day.  “You are going to tell him, right?”

            “Yes.”  Lara Jean felt nerves crackle through her at only the word.  “But, I’ll wait until you go back.”

            “What?  You can’t make him wait that long!”

            “He said for me to take my time.”

            “Sometimes you are a really big dummy, LJ.  The more time you take the more he’s going to think you don’t love him back.  And, what if he goes ahead and meets someone?”

            “By tomorrow?” Lara Jean asked skeptically.

            “I will not be the reason you miss out on true love.”

            Lara Jean’s phone pinged and she grabbed it from the table.  As she read the message, Kitty excitedly asked, “Is that Peter?”

            “No, it’s Chris.  She and her fiancée are having an impromptu engagement party tonight. Do you want to come with?”

            “If I do, will you promise me that you’ll tell him the minute I’m gone tomorrow?”

            “Yes.”  She saw her sister’s skepticism, and said, “I’m really not putting it off, Kitty.  I promise.  I just want it to be right.  Let me do it my way, okay?”

            Kitty sighed.  “Fine.”

            She really wasn’t putting it off, but she wanted it to be done the right way.  It took them this long to find their way back together, and she didn’t want to rush things. She wanted the moment to be special. Maybe over some homemade pasta or a scenic walk in Riverview Park.  She knew that this moment would mark their beginning.  A distinct timestamp that she could pinpoint for when they became a "we". She wanted it to be perfect. 

* * *

             The engagement party was on Nick and Chris’ apartment roof, the expansive space decorated with glimmering white Christmas lights and assorted decorations that looked like they were sourced from whatever non-demoninational decorations were lying around the apartment.  The effect was a haphazard, but warm, ambience – which, Lara Jean supposed, fit the pair well.

              Chris never looked happier.  She was wearing a white jumpsuit with a plunging neckline.  Her hair was wound into a messy bun on the top of her head, a few errant strands almost forming a halo above her head.  Chris pulled Lara Jean into a tight hug and said, “Can you believe I’m getting married?”

            “I think this means we’re officially adults.”

            Chris laughed.  “I guess it does.  And, Kitty, what a surprise!  I didn’t know you were in town.”

            “Congratulations, Chris.”

            “Thanks, kid.  Oh, I see my future husband is beckoning.  I’ll talk to you two later, okay?”

            “Yeah, go get your husband,” Lara Jean teased, laughing as she watched Chris flounce over to Nick.  He slid his arm around her waist and dipped his head down for a tender kiss.

            “They are sort of disgustingly cute,” Kitty said, popping a cracker-salami-cheese combination into her mouth.

            Lara Jean went to agree with her, when she saw Peter step onto the roof from the stairwell.  She was struck suddenly by an overwhelming need to tell him.  All her perfect plans fell to the side.  No homemade dinner. No stupid park.  All she needed was him, and there he was, looking disarmingly handsome in a white button-up and jeans. 

            “I’m going to tell him,” Lara Jean said.

            “What?”  Kitty followed Lara Jean’s gaze and gasped.  “It’s him!  Oh my God, it’s happening!”

            Lara Jean held her drink out to Kitty and asked, “Hold this, please?”

            “Absolutely.  Is it weird if I watch?”

            “A little.”

            “Okay.  I won’t watch.  But, you have to promise to tell me _everything_ after.”

            “I will,” Lara Jean promised.  “Wish me luck.”

            She took a steadying breath before she walked over to him.  He was looking in the opposite direction until she tapped his shoulder.  He looked down at her, surprise registering on his face.

            “Hey there, Covey.”

            “Hi Peter.”

            He was so beautiful up close.  She’d forgotten just how beautiful he was.

            “This is a pretty good turnout, yeah?”

            She could tell he was nervous, and she loved just how horrible he was at hiding it.  She didn’t think she was doing much better.  She was rocking on her heels so much that she might as well have been dancing. 

            “Peter, I need to tell you something.”

            She saw the glimmer of hope in his gaze.  “Yeah?”

            She smiled softly and nodded.  “Yeah.  Peter, I-“

            “Everyone, can I have your attention?”  Chris said, her voice amplified by a microphone.  Lara Jean was startled by the sudden interruption, and snapped her attention to Chris. 

            “Nick and I just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone here.  We feel so blessed to have such amazing friends and family.  And, we actually have a little bit of a surprise for you. Tonight is not just our engagement party.  We’re getting married!”

            The crowd erupted in excited chatter at the news.

            “Nick’s good friend, Miles, just happens to be an ordained minister.  Miles, wave to the crowd!”  Miles good-naturedly waved.  “And, Nick’s brother, Matt, is here to be his best man.  And, my maid of honor, LJ, where are you?”

            Lara Jean tentatively raised a hand.  Peter leaned in and asked, “Did you know about this?”

            “No idea,” she murmured back.

            “There you are!  So, I’m already in white.  We all know Nick was never going to wear a suit.  We have everything we need.  So, all of you keep enjoying your drinks.  It’s T-15 until a wedding!”

            The soon to be newlyweds descended into the crowd as they went to get ready to walk down the aisle, and Chris beckoned for Lara Jean to follow.  Lara Jean looked at Peter and she didn’t want to wait anymore.  They waited long enough.  

            “Peter, what I need to tell you is that I love you. Very much.  And I intend to fully discuss that with you, but right now I have to get my best friend married.  Is that okay?”

            Peter nodded, a wide grin spreading on her face. “Yeah.  That’s okay.”

            She turned to leave when he grabbed her arm and spun her into him, his arms sliding around her waist as he kissed her.  She kissed him back, threading her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, before she pulled away and murmured, “To be continued?”

            His eyes danced.  “You bet, Covey.”

            She gave him one more quick kiss before darting after Chris, who grasped her arm tightly and asked, “Did I just see what I think I saw?”

            “Yes.  Are you mad? I know today is your day and all but –“

            “Are you kidding me?  My best friend finally sucked face with the guy of her dreams? I couldn’t ask for a better wedding gift!” 

            The wedding was short and sweet.  Chris and Nick each wrote their own vows, and the sincerity in their words left not a dry eye on the rooftop.  Lara Jean couldn’t believe that she was watching her best friend get married.  This was the sort of stuff they talked about at sleepovers when they were kids.  Now, it was happening.  She casually glanced out at the crowd, her eyes finding Peter. Kitty stood next to him, and she was surprised to see her little sister fighting back tears.  It seemed even the immovable Kitty Covey was not immune to the tenderness of the evening. 

            After the ceremony, she joined Peter again.  He asked if they could go talk somewhere more quiet and she nodded, following him over to the more deserted side of the roof.  Peter pulled out two envelopes from his back pocket and she recognized them immediately.

            “Where did you get those?”

            “Chris brought them to me yesterday.  Before our drink.  She told me that you still had feelings for me, and if I read the letters I’d understand.  I didn’t open them, though.”

            “Why not?”

            “They felt like something I shouldn’t read unless you actually gave them to me.”

            He held them out toward her and she took them, slowly turning them over in her hands.  She wrote a lot of letters over the years, but his were the only ones she had distinct memories of writing.  She tucked the envelopes in her purse.

            “You don’t need to read those,” she said.

            “Okay.”   

            “And not because I don’t want you to,” she clarified.  “But, like I said, those letters were endings.  This is our beginning.”  She suddenly felt insecure, and added, “Or I think it’s our beginning?”

            Peter laughed slightly and took her face into his hands.  He kissed her softly and then murmured, “This is definitely our beginning, Covey.  And how about we agree, no more letters?”

            She wrapped her hands loosely around his wrists, her thumb brushing over his pulse point.

            “I think I can agree to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is likely the final chapter. I am toying around with an epilogue, but if it is posted at all, it would likely not be until early next week. Thank you so much for all of your amazing feedback throughout this story. I've absolutely loved sharing this story with you!
> 
> Side note - Chris and Nick probably would not have been able to get a marriage license that fast, but, consider it a fanfic miracle!
> 
> SIDE SIDE NOTE - I'm toying around with writing a You've Got Mail inspired story. Good idea? Horrible idea? Let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you would like more!


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